I have reached a point where I’ve given up hope for recovery. The depression just keeps on coming back and Alien just keeps on trying to control me.it’s no use to live anymore.my husband asked me if I’m feeling ok and I said why is he asking that.and said maybe there’s nothing wrong with me maybe I’m just f***ed up.
I hate myself.I’m too scared to live and I’m too scared to die.so what choice do I have other than to live in twilight zone?it just keeps on coming back. The night comes back the darkness comes back the demons come back alien comes back crying comes back cutting comes back despair comes back.as soon as I think I’m well again it comes back.i dunno what to do anymore.I’m such a negative person I hate my guts I’m a burden to everyone and I am a f***ing FREAK!!!
I used to feel like you do. I had severe depression. It lasted over a year. But it does get better. You can’t stay in this state forever. It will pass.
Being a freak may not necessarily be a bad thing, freaks do big things, I’m one of them, sometimes your inner critical voice are actually saying positive things and we take them wrong, u know what I mean? You’re stronger than your demons
@Hadeda, NO YOU’RE NOT!!! You’re better off alive and you’re not a freak. Your husband needs you. You need to stay alive. Talk to your pdoc about the alien. Today. You need professional help.
Thanks @SkinnyMe and @Jesse25 your replies came long after my post but I still appreciate it. I’m doing much better now. Had a relapse in October to November but from December things ok again. Feeling relatively stable. Alien comes on occasion but not bothering me much at moment. Depression at bay. Only thing I have had to deal with now is my anger problem which negatively affecting my marriage. Had pms recently which stressed us both out. Trying to work on my temper. Is a bad temper linked to sza do you think? Or is it just my personality?
