I have always said that recovery in a constant process and not a destination. Sure, some levels of recovery may be permanent destinations for some individuals, but I am clear about how we have scz for life.
I honestly reach out to those who I have always reached out to. An old friend who I always looked to for advice, my shrink, others with my illness (like someone on here whom I stay in touch with over the phone regularly), family, and comforting yet not destructive activities. Maybe a beer is okay if it can calm a storm- for some of us. I said a beer, a singular bottle of beer. When ■■■■ hits the fan and I have done everything to stop it, I do have a drink and then my ■■■■ gets doused with water. That’s something I need to work on, but hey, this is anonymous and I am being real. I like to listen to my sleep playlist, particularly the song “Nightmare” by Avenged Sevenfold. The music video makes me feel at home and in good company. It’s about being committed to a psych ward.
I like to engage in discussion like this- this is rational and also speaking about the illness- it is both supportive for me (hopefully someone else too) and it also brings me back into reality in which I am a highly functioning person with an extremely serious illness.
I find that my pets help- they can tell when something is wrong with me and come to me. They seem to not be all that scared of me, despite how I look a bit imposing. I’ve recently changed my workout routine to military fitness inspired workouts, a solid 3 miles and then lots of body weight exercises, also eating healthily, not lifting insane amounts of weight and eating everything in sight.
Note about me- exercise can diffuse my most agitated states pretty well. If that doesn’t cut it, I then immediately jerk off. I used to be quite promiscuous which began to cause an HIV scare and made me quit hooking up. I miss the fun but I don’t miss telling medical doctors the details of my sex life and then being told that it was idiotic. Lol
Good post, Anthony, and remember that you aren’t alone. I sometimes talk to myself for hours a night and it really reminds me that this isn’t a game and that this is serious and needs serious counters. Professional help, help from friends, helping ourselves. I am not my own patient. I am an assistant to my professional helpers. They do give me the assignment of doing all that I can, yet some matters are beyond a 22 year old’s control, no matter what his GPA is and major is.
Even if I do become a shrink myself, I will still want to have one help me out. Probably psychoanalysis at that point. Something I won’t be able to see through. I already know too much about therapy. I’m in a therapy research lab doing my own thesis. However, psychoanalysis is “outdated” and not mentioned much at all in most psychology programs.