Recovery is still work--no matter what stage

Health and Recovery
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For the last 11 months, I have considered myself “recovered” from schizophrenia. I have been functioning higher and achieving more than before I was diagnosed. And I’ve lived symptom-free, thanks to medication and therapy.

But then yesterday happened. I was looking at my calendar of appointments and obligations, and I just…broke.

I felt extremely anxious and distressed. And these feelings morphed into full-blown paranoia. I hadn’t felt this way in nearly a year.

But it happened.

Luckily, I was able to reach out to an amazing friend. We talked for 3 hours. Then I used positive self-talk to ground myself back into reality.

I am still reeling from the experience. I’m startled. I’m less confident. I’m unsure about my limitations.

I guess if I can take away anything from the experience, it would be:

Recovery is a never-ending process. For me, I now expect that a completely symptom-free life may not be possible. And that, when psychosis hits you, Go Back to the Basics (breathe, write or talk your thoughts out, reach out for guidance, adapt).

For everyone else (in recovery or not), what have you learned about coping with symptom set-backs and limitations?

Blessings,

Anthony

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mate, you are one of the inspirational people on here… :trophy:
i call those moments ’ glitches ‘… :imp:
i basicaly got rid of my paranoia…but when stressed i get paranoia ’ glitches’
in my opinion you seem to have got stressed , due to your full calender of appointments.
and being a bit tired ?
this may have triggered an old pattern of paranoia.
know someone cares :heart:
take care :alien:
p.s i try to apply logic to why i am feeling a certain way .

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I try to work breaks in-between my obligations. I had this hospital bill from 2012 that I needed to get paid. I payed it after my vacation and I haven’t put pressure on myself to do anything else. I have a break week, because it’s post-birthday weekend. Next week I go to my old school to speak with an adviser. Later that week I have to see the Vocational Rehab people.

You have a serious schedule, (which I will have too so I have to think about it) so I’d say build in little breaks where you don’t think about your schedule. You can have lunch, read, draw, journal, or whatever just so long as you take your mind off things. This is made possible by keeping a detailed calendar of what you have to do and when you have to do it.

To help me sleep and keep me from thinking about my schedule I’ll make a list and put it on my purse (for you just anywhere you know you’ll look is good, like on top of your wallet/keys). When I’m lying in bed worrying about things is when I write them down so that I can forget them.

I’ve had the paranoid blips on my radar. I hope my stress relieving techniques help a bit. It would be nice to have you test them out for me. :wink:

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Thanks, @darksith. I really appreciate your support. Thinking about it logically, I took on too many goals. And I think what really stressed me out was that I was going to let everyone down. All the people who helped me get to my point of wellness.

Those “expectations” could just be me–not everyone else’s true feelings.

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Thanks, @metime. That’s very wise.

In this hectic, paranoia-inducing schedule, I made no time for doing something relaxing. What COULD have been was social time with friends, but I complicated that by planning to take the bus 1.25 hours into the city to see my friends–to prove I could.

Instead, today, the friend I was going to meet drove to my house to see me. She was so understanding and told me, “I have confidence in you. You can achieve all your goals. Just Walk, don’t run.”

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Hi RadMan,

I’m sorry to hear about your set back. I think you’re right, that recovery is actually a never-ending process. But you have come a long way in your life through your determination, hard work and smarts.

Even though I know this set back is very disappointing, I have no doubt you will bounce back and be back to your recovered self in no time. Hang in there and take good care of yourself:)

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It’s great that you have a support system who can drive to you. You will achieve all your goals. I’m sure of it. :smile:

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Wise words.

I have always said that recovery in a constant process and not a destination. Sure, some levels of recovery may be permanent destinations for some individuals, but I am clear about how we have scz for life.

I honestly reach out to those who I have always reached out to. An old friend who I always looked to for advice, my shrink, others with my illness (like someone on here whom I stay in touch with over the phone regularly), family, and comforting yet not destructive activities. Maybe a beer is okay if it can calm a storm- for some of us. I said a beer, a singular bottle of beer. When ■■■■ hits the fan and I have done everything to stop it, I do have a drink and then my ■■■■ gets doused with water. That’s something I need to work on, but hey, this is anonymous and I am being real. I like to listen to my sleep playlist, particularly the song “Nightmare” by Avenged Sevenfold. The music video makes me feel at home and in good company. It’s about being committed to a psych ward.

I like to engage in discussion like this- this is rational and also speaking about the illness- it is both supportive for me (hopefully someone else too) and it also brings me back into reality in which I am a highly functioning person with an extremely serious illness.

I find that my pets help- they can tell when something is wrong with me and come to me. They seem to not be all that scared of me, despite how I look a bit imposing. I’ve recently changed my workout routine to military fitness inspired workouts, a solid 3 miles and then lots of body weight exercises, also eating healthily, not lifting insane amounts of weight and eating everything in sight.

Note about me- exercise can diffuse my most agitated states pretty well. If that doesn’t cut it, I then immediately jerk off. I used to be quite promiscuous which began to cause an HIV scare and made me quit hooking up. I miss the fun but I don’t miss telling medical doctors the details of my sex life and then being told that it was idiotic. Lol

Good post, Anthony, and remember that you aren’t alone. I sometimes talk to myself for hours a night and it really reminds me that this isn’t a game and that this is serious and needs serious counters. Professional help, help from friends, helping ourselves. I am not my own patient. I am an assistant to my professional helpers. They do give me the assignment of doing all that I can, yet some matters are beyond a 22 year old’s control, no matter what his GPA is and major is.

Even if I do become a shrink myself, I will still want to have one help me out. Probably psychoanalysis at that point. Something I won’t be able to see through. I already know too much about therapy. I’m in a therapy research lab doing my own thesis. However, psychoanalysis is “outdated” and not mentioned much at all in most psychology programs.

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Sounds like a little set back , I dont think that its a wall, just a small hurdle - Things will work out for you in the end Anthony.

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It’s a little setback,think about what makes you feel well the last eleven month and continue doing it,good luck @radmedtech

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So you started to achieve high in a tame frame of 11 months? do you mean career wise, having dreams fullfilled or relationship wise? sounds like you still have somebody to rely on to care for you and you didnt lose everything out of grips - just a minor set back.

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That’s true , I guess I’m lucky in that I know when its coming , I can spot it ,then I reach for the medicine jar.

And with myself , its not that much of a shock , through out all this , I never felt cured or that sz had gone or left…

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@radmedtech

I’m sorry you hit a glitch… it’s hard when you think you’ve got it and then you feel derailed by something simple…

Too many things cooking at once…

I hope you feel better today… you’ll get that confidence back… I know that feeling well… it’s like getting the wind knocked out of me and it takes a bit to catch the breath… and then I walk cautiously for a while again… a bit unsteady on the feet.

But it does pass…

Good for you for reaching out to a friend… and for getting the negativity out of your vibe fast and going for the positives…

It’s a good practice to remember… the self - beating can get a hold pretty fast after a wet back like that.

Good luck… your very inspirational to me.
-James.

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Thank you ALL for your support and wisdom. It has helped me tremendously.

Today, I decided that I need to invest some time in myself. Doing things that refresh me. Like going to church, walking with my dog, writing and recording music, and socializing with friends in a stress-free environment.

I was so ashamed at having this glitch. Almost too afraid to share it with you guys. But I’m glad I did. Because you helped me realize that we all have these. And that it would be unreasonable to expect to never have one again.

So I’m getting my confidence back. And that’s important, because confidence is Hope; and hope is what helped me to become so well these last 11 months.

Love you guys!

Anthony

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In a recent assignment I am being asked to make an analysis for the company’s transportation, distribution and planning costs all together and fraction from gross sales, I have a large amount of data to slice and dice and analyze, all together with a very demanding manager and a very professional environment, I panic a lot, very often I tell my self I will be caught for a silly mistake, they will so I am not worth… But that doesn’t happen, all that happens is that I consume my energy in negative thinking of future events that most probably will not happen. Today I am reading your post and I feel for you, too many appointments in the calendar can be a very hard stressor especially when you get confused in which style you will go with the certain audience. I had a meeting last week with factory managers, internal audit managers, safety managers and engineers, I am a warehouse supervisor who is battling mental illness, I stood to my self and said I must participate even if u say ■■■■, I did, and it worked, every one listened and agreed. That was a relief for me. I am still expected to deliver more results with time and more deliverables will be demanded, you see, it is not a destination like mouse have said, it is a journey, a long road where you can enjoy small breaks and endure serious ■■■■ along the way, but even if one is crawling we should continue in the road, I smoke a lot and it helps me, I drink coffee and I always count to 10 or repeat my employment ID # when i am stressed, it works for me, my anxiety reaches hot spots too many times but I survive, I am always hesitant to come and post how i feel over here but this got my attention. We are in a battle, we fight to win. Let us win.

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Wow, that was very encouraging. I have always fought to win, so I’m not going to stop now!

Be Well,

Anthony

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Hi Anthony!
This sounds like everyone else in a fast paced, stressed out world.
Balance is for everyone-hard to do at times–but when stressed, back to the basics. Slow down, take care of your self, have some fun, do things that bring peace.
You know I`m not diagnosed, but 15 years ago I had to check myself into a hospital. A melt-down, or what we used to call a nervous breakdown. Just had too much on plate.
All of us have to watch for overload.

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My experience precisely. I thought I was “free” of the monster in 1995, 1998 and 2001. But I felt the teeth chewing through me something awful in '97, '99 and 2002-2003. I stopped relying on meds… though I continue to take them to give me enough stability to do the psychotherapy that has kept me out of the jaws now since late '03.

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Hey dude I really apologiez man

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I love what my meds have done to stabilize me, but I rely primarily on therapy for my wellness.

I was on meds for 8 years, yet I still had no coping skills. Or control over my thoughts or emotions.

Through mindfulness cognitive behavioral therapy, I’ve learned how to problem solve and adapt.

It worked so well that I honestly thought my positive symptoms were gone for good lol. Not the case!

Now I know that symptom setbacks happen to all of us. And I’m going to be working on tools to combat and prevent them.

Thank you for sharing your experience. You’ve been managing this much longer than I have. Have you been able to work during the periods of symptom latency? And if so, how do you manage work when symptoms arise?

Blessings,

Anthony

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