Schizophrenia.com

Question for all married folks

When did you get married, how did you meet someone who accepts your illness, and basically just how did you do it? I am having serious trouble with dating, most people I meet ignore me after I tell them about my illness. I am in remission and dont experience symptoms 99% of the time.

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I got married two years ago on the 16 June 2012, did it the Islamic way - I met up with guys until I found the right one and we arranged the wedding soon after. I relapsed the year when I got married, but I thought I was still in remission and that I didn’t have sz, so I told my prospective husband and his parents that I had suffered from ‘depression’ some years back and got better. I only found out after my marriage that I still had sz and borderline personality as well. My husband was sad for me, but stayed by my side. I am fortunate in that, because if I knew back then what I knew now, he might have not married me, and his mother would have objected. But they all accept me, mental history and all.

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I met my wife on the former version of this site, and we lived together a year before marrying. Unfortunately we were both very delusional when we married and for about 2 years in the beginning we spent about $500,000 in a bancruptcy due to our extravagant spending and then stayed in poverty until our divorce last year. We really probably would have lasted had we not been so delusional in the first years of our marriage. Personally I don’t believe in marriage anymore whether you’re schizophrenic or not. I thought my marriage would last forever, and I was wrong. Makes me doubt I could do it again.

Mortimer, I wouldn’t feel obligated to tell a date about your illness, especially not in the first few dates. Maybe give it some more time, see where the relationship goes, and if it is getting serious, then tell the person about the schizophrenia. Some people get ‘scared’ off right away, after hearing the word - schizophrenia. Get a chance to feel out and gauge out your date - then when you feel the time is right, tell the person

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I met my husband 16 years ago. We have been married for 13 years. I got really ill 4 years ago. He never left me even though I acted like a complete idiot. Ok. Maybe I can’t blame myself for having a psychotic episode. But I was really cold towards him and did not want anything to do with him. But he stayed until I got better. Hard to find someone else who would do the same.

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married 22 years.
met through ex girlfriend.
mrs. sith accepted illness…because she has unconditional love.
you will find some one but it takes time…and it maybe someone that does not fit your criteria, love was never found on a list.
take care

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I got this mental illness after I got married. My husband accepted my illness just because I was and am his family. So I am lucky. I guess you have to wait for several years and prove that you can hold down a job like a normal person then you may be accepted by the person you date.

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I would never tell any date about my illness,unless he/she already knows…but if the feeling and timing if right,I would reveal,sorry to hear that @mortimermouse,I believe someone would accept and understand your illness soon,your a really cool guy

My policy was to be upfront about it and dump my skeletons out of the closet within the first two weeks of dating. This turned off the majority of potential mates. The last one stuck around. She has for fifteen years now, fourteen of them married. We met online via a singles ad, which everyone considered freaky back circa 1999. “What if he’s like, y’know, nutz?”

Hehhhhhhh. :smiley:

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i wouldn’t tell them until she really got to know me and to know that its not much of a problem as png as i keep taking my med, i wouldn’t tell any children i had if i had them either i don’t think it would help them any knowing that about their dad.

My children know I had a psychotic episode. It was hard to miss that. My oldest boy has been with me at a psychologist appointment and asked a lot of questions about it. And got a lot of answers. He doesn’t believe it was his fault anymore.

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I met him shortly after i had my first episode (about 1 year later) Gladly, I can manage pretty well with my meds and i have not had any positive symptoms at all since I have met him, but my neg symptoms are always present. I did not tell him immediately and at first, i told him i have some sort of mental illness and then gradually got more specific with sending info, links etc. when the need arised (for example to explain some of my behaviour) But for the first time i told him was some months into the relationship.

It would certainly come in handy if their own doctor was asking them about their family medical history. Or if my cheese slides off my cracker in a bad way and my daughter has to report my health problems to medical personnel.

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I find this so brave of you and so intelligent of your boy…

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Thank you. But I did it because he felt guilty about me getting ill. We had a fight and my brain just snapped. I almost beat him with a hockey stick. I beat up the wardrobe instead and then ran away from home. I was gone for a year. He was 9 years old at the time. He took it really hard. He also has PDD-NOS. we saw my psychologist when he was 11 years old. My younger son adapts better to everything that happened. He has asked me but did not take it as hard as his older brother.

I am not married nor have I ever been in the literal sense of the word but thought I’d add my two cents here anyway. I experienced love at a young age, too young to legally marry but it was the kind of love that lasts a lifetime. This was driven home when I was not long ago contacted by my first love after not speaking for more than a decade to learn that though married with two children she still has kept that box of memorabilia from our times together and goes to bed every night in my old alien workshop t-shirt…a little frightening but endearing also.

I’ve never dated in any conventional sense, my relationships have just kind of happened. I’ve never met up with anyone with the purpose of feeling them out as a possible mate. In my experience, while genuine love may last a lifetime everything else is more often than not impermanent including the relationship it’s self. I’m not sure I’ll ever marry after having learned this so young. You are still young, heck I am still young, there is no rush to find a life partner and no reason when you do to make it official unless of course you wish to raise a family. I’d say just enjoy the moment for now and give it time, let it happen on it’s own.

I also never had the problem of having to disclose a mental illness as when I was young and in love I hadn’t yet experienced serious mental illness but know they would have accepted me this way or that as they did when I later, more recently disclosed the fact. During my 20’s when love eluded me I had not this problem as the women I was involved with also had a diagnosis.

I don’t know I would say feel it out a while to see if you feel like the person is someone who would accept you the way you are. It’s not something I would disclose on the first date but isn’t something that should be kept a secret for any long period of time either, certainly not once a relationship has been established.

I find that while schizophrenia doesn’t turn people into monsters, if someone has some ugliness inside of them, the illness will really shine a light on it and bring it out to the forefront. The fact that, while symptomatic, you were still able to recognize that striking a child was wrong and deflect your rage response says really good things about you. :smile:

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There is no hurry to tell people about your illness. Take your time - let them get to know the real you before you go into depth on that issue. I wouldn’t tell anyone for many months after you’ve been dating.

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Just be honest, especially if they’re going to find out at some point of another. Obviously not on the first date - give them a chance to see the person first. I don’t have SZ but it’s not like I say, on the first date, ‘Hey, I’m X…I have a back problem, I was depressed once and sometimes I get anxiety when I hear a knock at the door for no real reason. Oh…and I’m messy, kind of disorganised…in all likelihood if we start living together you’re going to need a map to navigate your way around my shoes, clothes and accessories’.

Best foot forward, bad foot…a few weeks later.

Will politely but firmly disagree on this one, and here’s why:

  1. The more emotional investment you put into the relationship, the more it hurts to be rejected over your condition. I mean, REALLY hurts.
  2. That pain can destabilize a person and cause them to become symptomatic, so this is a legitimate health issue.
  3. Time takes time. I found the majority of people just up and walked away as soon as they heard ‘schizophrenia’. By doing this early on, I increased the number of potential partners I could see inside of a year, greatly speeding up the process of settling down with a lady.
  4. I think that being open about things early on in a relationship sets a good precedent that a couple can build on.

Anyhow, that’s what worked for me. Your mileage may vary.

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