Thats the point - I think most people have a very distorted view of schizophrenia - so if they have no experience of “you” then they will default to the sensationalistic media view. I’m thinking that if you let people get a chance to really know “you” then they won’t default to that old view.
But - I also see your point and its a good one.
I think I waited about a month to talk about Sz. It was a fairly easy issue to handle as I had a full time job that I had been doing for 12 years and my wife had a history of hospitalization for her first episode of Bi-polar mania to share with me. As soon as we found out about our histories we had a lot to share, to say the least.
The moral of the story I think is that each case and each relationship is different. You have to use your best judgement as you go along too.
There are times I’ve said it later in the relationship and had the relation ship fail… There are times I’ve said it upfront… and had the relationship fail…
This time I said it very up front (in hopes of scaring her away so I could move into the bigger apartment.) she wasn’t scared of me at all… and here it is, 8 months later… She’s still not scared.
There is a lot to a relationship… it’s not just the right person… it’s the right person at the right time.
I bet you can find lots of “right people” but at a time when your both on the same page… both have the mind set, both know yourselves well enough to make it work… that’s the rub.
I haven’t dated much and when I did we were both in the same programs so it wasn’t an issue. I really don’t know what the best timeline is to reveal it. BUT…I will guess that if you tell someone on the first, second, or third date that it would be a big deal to most dates. And the diagnosis would be their biggest impression of you. I say go on several dates until they see how normal and cool you are and then tell them and maybe your personality will make a better impression on them rather than your disease.It’s obviously a fine line and you might need to trust your instincts about telling to each specific date. But you don’t want their main impression of you to be as a “schizophrenic”. Let them like YOU and your personality FIRST and then spring the diagnosis on them and their impression will be a cool normal guy who happens to have schizophrenia.You don’t want to be thought of as the “schizophrenic date”, you want to be known as the cool date who happens to have schizophrenia. The issue is too large to spring on someone too early.
I agree with @77nick77 give it time. You can start by dancing around the topic of eugenics. See how prejudicial they are. Treat it like house shopping, don’t get your heart involved until you’ve had the foundation thoroughly inspected.
For right now I would say don’t worry about those types of relationships. You are 20, 21? I know at that age it can feel like you are missing out but your not. You have 40-60 years to find that special someone. Even if you found someone now by the time you finish ‘growing up’ that person may not be compatible anymore. Center on yourself and being happy within yourself and the right person will be attracted to you because you are you.
Well I am doing pretty well with the whole dating thing, I think I have been making a terrible mistake of telling people I am in remission from schizophrenia after only an hour or so of talking to them. I have met a new guy who I am getting along really well with, better than the rest so far and I havent told him. I think I will just not. Like if he asks what the pills I take at dinner are I will say I have a heart condition or something. You would never guess that I am schizophrenic and I like that, I think I might just roll with that. But if things get serious, like a committed relationship, I will eventually tell him.
He keeps praising me for having my ■■■■ together and having “my head on my shoulders” and I did tell him that I drank and smoked when I was a freshman but don’t anymore. He said that’s good that I got that out of my system. He asked me why I did it and I just said I had a bad boy phase, which he totally believed.
The guy I was dating- I’ve lost interest in him as he hasnt visited in like two months and has gotten out of shape. He’s also sort of emo and posts really vague crap about love on facebook which makes me uncomfortable. I mean he is a nice guy but he doesn’t talk as much as this new guy- which makes me think he is just physically attracted and not emotionally/psychologically connecting with me. He just tells me what he is doing with a smiley and doesnt really converse with me, which is a little fishy, sort of smells like what my former friends with benefits would do, be charming, not engage in long conversations and basically give off a certain vibe of being attracted but not wanting to engage in conversations. I’ve been talking to this new guy for two hours a day. The other guy hardly talks.
And this new guy I met is 100% my type physically, he even has red hair and works out every day. He’s not a weightlifter he just is in good shape. That’s a plus, that means I wont lose interest. I mean I have a red hair fetish basically so that means I wont have a desire to cheat.
I’ve got to the bad habit of sharing my past because I feel like I want someone to listen to it. Well I have a therapist, family and incredible friends for that, they saw my journey through psychosis and I have them to talk about it in the past tense with. We joke about it. I went to dinner and a bar with all of my old friends except for the not-21 year olds this weekend and we joke about my past and laugh about the crazy stuff I did whilst drunk and psychotic. I played video games at my house until 1:30am with my not 21 year old friends the night before. I can joke about schizophrenia with them, they always say things like “you, the really jacked schizophrenic psychology prodigy” after we talk about the stories from when I was psychotic and binge drinking (I did seriously funny but seriously insane things like masturbate in a room full of people, get so drunk that they took my clothes off and stuck me in a bathtub and splashed water on me, ect.)
So I think I will just put my best foot forward and let the past be the past. If a guy is sleeping over and notices that I take pills when I go to bed and wake up, I will just make up something like “I have an abnormal aorta” which might work because a friend of mine actually does have that and takes meds for it to stay alive. That or I will say I have an anxiety disorder, that is also true and less stigmatized, this guy I am talking to every night has anxiety but doesnt take medication for it.
I date people who are older than I am, preferably. I seek out 24-28 year olds who are done with college. Like some 18 year old girl on okcupid just threw herself at me, I said like “Im doing well, I just played video games with my bros all night” and she gave me her number and said she wanted to have fun. Like no you’re 18. Probably not even, I know a girl who lied and is 17 and made a profile saying shes 18. One of my friends has a 17 year old girlfriend and I am appalled at that and have sort of disowned him for it, so hooking up with an 18 year old would be hypocritical for me. He met her on the same website and she threw herself at him too. I mean it might be easy tail but I dont want easy tail, I’ve had easy tail before.
Really, I can hide my medication. I can take it in the bathroom after I eat like I did with this one girl I dated a few times. I have to take my meds with breakfast and dinner so I would go to the restroom after eating and take my Geodon there.
But I am so done with childish crap. No people after my body, no people who dont have their ■■■■ together, no 18 year olds, no drugs or heavy drinking, no nymphomaniacs, none of that crap.
I need a mature relationship where someone can actually be interested in me and not just my body. I mean I am classified as “bodybuilder” by people who look at me, that or they think I am an MMA fighter, I have gotten pretty built. I made a Grindr profile and received over 200 messages in two days. I then deleted it.
I think I have a good approach to the whole relationships thing now- I have to stop telling people that I am schizophrenic on the first date and I have to not date people who do drugs/drink too much/are slutty/are creative writing majors, they are emo, I’ve been on dates with two and they both were saying immature Edgar Allen Poe crap/all of the above. All of the above lol
But anyways guy I was dating, nah, now I am pursuing a new guy.