Do you ever start beating yourself up emotionally over your mistakes and shortcomings? I realize that a lot of my f’ups in life are just part of my ‘disease’, but a lot of times I make myself feel bad because I convince myself it’s my fault. I blame myself for my mistakes and essentially my mental condition. Logically i don’t see the point in doing this, but I do it pretty much every day.
Think it’s called depression. There’s a coffee shop in hell, just next the lava lake, go there a lot. Inside a lovely mural on the wall all covered with severed heads and caption under it “Stop torturing yourself over things that are not your fault!”
Constantly do it especially with regards to my relationship troubles that inherently come with the illness. My mis-speaking and lack of everything. My inability to communicate and problems it causes. I always feel i could have done better in some way or just feel like im not doing what could have been done to prevent what ever stresser has caused my current dilemma or poor emotional state. I always feel like i could have done more and that i screwed up in some fashion causing my life to come crashing down, or so it seems at the time. Always beating myself up because i should be better, i hold myself to a higher standard and i need to be better, and deserve to be a better in most ways for myself and the people around me.
No, I tend to blame others!