Anyone beat yourself up over the past or even current poor choices?

Unusual Beliefs
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Think it might be part of the illness, or something else idk.

I don’t consider myself living in the past, I look forward to the future and live in the present, but I really really regret my past at times. I blame myself for not being better sooner and things like that, if that makes sense. (although thinking about it now, i’m still not very well)

I also beat myself up a lot over the fact I smoke. I can’t quit no matter how hard I try, and just feel like I fell short to meet the perfect standard. Other days i’m more level headed and can say, okay big deal. A lot of people do. And I haven’ even been smoking that long.

Anyone else beat themselves up for certain things?

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I am constantly beating myself up for the demise of my 2nd marriage. My addiction, my borderline, my psychosis, it all imploded and he couldn’t handle it. He took my kids, and i got awarded only supervised visits at first. We lost the house we bought, our cars got repoed, we filed bankruptcy, i got fired. It was terrible. It was 12 years ago now and i am remarried and have a better relationship with my kids, my husband and i have 2 more kids, i stay home and take care of them. Im stable. Im clean. Im much better. But man did i mess up back then.

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I beat myself up also over the past. I also beat myself up when I go into the psych ward, I sometimes feel it’s a defect in my character and that I’m weak. I think it stems from the way my mother treated me, “no crying be a man” she was tough.

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I beat myself up over my past.

But when I look back on it, I’d be dead now if I changed anything.

My life has been a series of “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” decisions.

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I think it’s natural to think about things you’ve done wrong. That’s why they say live life with no regrets. Because you’ll always remember them.

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Things of the past come to me now and than and makes me wonder ifI acted differenrly at certain points in my life, would I get to this point?
I do not beat myself up over the bad habits, since it is hard to get something to cling to in this kind of life

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I beat myself up about the past nearly every day

Usually, they are quite unpleasant and intrusive thoughts

I keep fretting about how I chose not to comply with medication earlier enough - it could have saved me a career in medicine

Regret for all the mistakes I made in dealing with this illness

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Sorry to hear that. I’ve had that tendency, not to comply as well. Comes with acceptance the way I see it.

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I am noticing too now that I am off my medication that I have OCD. It explains a lot, I tend to obssess over every little detail in things, especially what I consider failures.

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@Pickpink Btw, that was a great post, thanks for sharing.

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I do smoke and I feel bad about it, but not guilty. I wish I could stop, but looks like it does not go that way. Too much time with not much to do.

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I beat myself up over the things I’ve said and did while I was unwell. I know it wasn’t my fault and I wasn’t in my right mind but it brings feelings of shame, hurt, and embarrassment. I try so hard to block it all out everyday. I can’t get over it.

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Earlier in my illness, I used to be compelled to dwell on the past a lot.

This has mostly passed, now.

A good part of this involved trying to figure out things relating to other people, whom I lacked information regarding. This was frustrating, but driven by compulsion.

Why didn’t people that I was closer to tell me important things? I will not accept this from people, in the future. I hate withholders. Why bother to engage with them in any substantial way?

I am not big on beating myself up. That isn’t helpful, in any case.

I wish I had been able to realize that other people were unfair to me, and that they acted oddly, at the time, though.

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I hate myself for a lot of reasons, but I think that on the whole I’m okay. I sometimes wonder where I would be if I hadn’t joined the army. I got good SAT scores, and I was accepted into the Washington University at St. Louis. but I joined the army instead. I probably could have been a very good lawyer, but sometimes I think about spending 10 -12 hours a day protecting major corporations, and that seems kind of meaningless to me. I saw this quote on the internet that said, “If a man isn’t wearing a Rolex watch by the time he is 50 he is a failure at life.” That sounds vapid to me. My Casio watch does just fine.

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