I’m not psychotic, but today I just really dont like myself at all. I feel stupid and fake. I made a mess out of life, my own, but also those of others. I hurt people by making a mess of my own life. I feel not a good enough Christian, I did stupid things, loads of them. My house is a pigsted at the moment, my administration non-existent. I feel like a major failure. Everyone else seems to have their lives all in order. I want to be a good person.
What do you guys do when you have such thoughts? I drank glasses full of calming, uplifting tea and it didnt help one bit.
what good does it do us to beat ourselves up Marian? Really we only hurt ourselves and others really by hating ourselves. There’s no need for it. Who did we hurt really? No one. Not one single person was hurt because we didn’t do things perfectly. So what the dishes didn’t get done. Who cares? Love yourself. You’re awesome in like a million trillion ways. So you suck at a few things. Think of anyone, now tell me is the person you are thinking of suck at something or is that person totally perfect? I’m sure they have their things that they suck at too. We are all good and bad. Try to think about all the good that you are for a minute, then see if you don’t feel a little better. That’s what I’m gonna do the next time I’m self loathing. I’m gonna try to think of the million trillion ways I’m good and let go of the ways I’m bad. Let other people take care of those things and I’ll do what I’m good at.
Sometimes I do well, and sometimes the messy stuff and bad choices (e.g. relationship choices) in my life just overwhelm me. But yes, I guess everyone has bad days, lazy days, bad choices, stupid sides. And I can indeed think of a few good sides of myself as well, pfiew.
Felt myself was ok today, at least I was active and went out. I like going out and not staying cooped in the house, I don’t watch too much tv but like to drink home brewed coffee thru out the day.
I often feel the way you do. But nobody’s perfect. You just have to take the good days with the bad. We probably have more than our share of bad days with this illness, so cut yourself some slack. You deserve it.
I got similar problems friend. I feel like quite a waste of life most nights. Often wishing to die in my sleep. What helps me is reaching out to others. I don’t have much people to be honest but this forum and a small handful of friends often help to some degree. Otherwise i don’t have much I can say to feel better. Just have hope and reach out to who you can. I’m going to start therapy soon so hopefully that helps me. It is something you can potentially try too. I wish the best for you
Rest assured Marian, we’re all in the same boat at least some of the time. We all make mistakes, and from that we can feel stupid. But you’re not stupid, you’re human. You aren’t above making errors. What matters now is how you manage yourself. You need to be kinder to yourself. You’re dealing with something that is very difficult, and sometimes, some days all you can do is just get buy. You’re good enough, you’re a good person. Don’t worry about your house being a “pig-stye” at the moment. I was in a similar situation a few months ago. Tackle the mess a couple of steps at a time. Set up a to do list with one or two cleaning items on it for the day. Such as taking out the rubbish, vacuuming the floor. Knock off a couple of things a day and you’ll soon have your house in better order. Even if you have to do it room by room. Doesn’t matter. What ever bite sized bit of work you can do will make a difference.
I think we all have days like this. That’s not to say it isn’t difficult. Just be kind to yourself and if you feel up to it, try and do one thing today. Even if that’s going for a walk around the block. Take care.
