I was drinking a margarita and a the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?”
I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet!”, and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one guy.
Please share a joke!
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Why did the orange stop?
Cause it ran outa juice
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Nevermind. Just figured out how to read that.
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Click the spoiler/blury line and you shall find out haha
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when hubbard died he donated his body to science fiction.
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what happened to the newlywed couple that didn’t know the difference between window putty and vaseline?
their window fell out
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How do you get an elephant into a Safeway shopping cart? You take the “s” out of safe, and take the “f” out of way. Say the answer out loud.
there is no “f” in way (there is no effing way)
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I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
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There were these three women who went to the doctor because they were dissatisfied with their breast size. The doctor told them that he had some amazing pills, that when you take them you can say a number, and that will be your breast size. So, the first one took her pill and said, “thirty-six”, and poof, she was a perfect thirty-six. The second one took her pill and said, “thirty-eight”, and poof, she was a perfect thirty-eight. The third one took her pill, and she thought and thought. Then she told the doctor, “I can’t decide what breast size I want to be.” So the doctor told her that the pill lasted for twenty-four hours. He told her to be careful, though, because any number she said during that twenty-four hours, she would become that number. So, she said, “Okay, doc. Thanks a million.”
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A giraffe is the result of Chuck Norris giving an upper cut to a horse.
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I thought this was funny. At one office in America one person asked what another (controller) person did and this controller responded that he wears many hats. Next day this person who asked the question came to the office with many hats and just said ‘I wear many hats too’. I thought this was funny.
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My life (on bad days).
people say communism hasn’t helped but it’s helped 100,000,000 so far.
A bear was chasing a rabbit trough the forest, when they stumbled upon a forest spirit.
The spirit was feeling generous, and granted them three wishes each. They decided to take turns.
First, the bear exclaimed, “I wish every bear in the forest was female!” The spirit nodded, and his wish was granted. The rabbit wished for a motorcycle, which the other two found odd, but he had his wish granted too.
“And now,I wish every bear in the country was female!” the bear said. Again, his wish was granted.
The rabbit wished for a motorcycle helmet.
“And finally, I wish every bear in the world was female!” The greedy bear yelled.
The rabbit got up on his motorcycle, put on his helmet and started the engine. Right before he sped off, he yelled “I wish the bear was gay!”
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7, 8, 9
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Did you hear that joke about the skunk?
No?
No loss. It stinks.
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You should have answered, “No, but hum a few bars and I’ll pick it up.”
He died alone, surrounded by loved ones.
why did cavemen find it easy to get dates back in the stone age?
bc they all went out clubbing every night
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a million people hating me isn’t cool, you know what’s cool? a billion people hating me.
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