Poo! I just sent a email I shouldn’t off!

VI have had a successful meeting with my care team regarding my holiday to Kerala, India this December. They said I can go and we went through the safeguards just incase I become unwell. Just some things concerned me about what that my psychiatrist said and very stupidly I wrote a email to my named nurse. I have a lot of anxiety around this holiday! I’m concerned about the content of the email and if it makes me sound paranoid? Do you think it makes me sound paranoid?

“””Hello £&#@£##

I just wanted to run something past you. I’m thinking about paying to see a psychiatrist privately in India, I want to discuss things I don’t want to discuss with yourself or Dr Bharker. It’s nothing against you Chris because I think you are a very good community nurse (I’m not idealising you!) Just something Dr Bharker said on Wednesday that concerned me. It was like he was being off putting about the level of care I would receive in India if I become unwell particularly that I wouldn’t get any antipsychotic medication, him highlighting “his friend who has bipolar couldn’t get meds even though Dr Bhaker himself is a doctor”… I have been thinking about that a lot… This makes me think my suspicions are true? I know that people have it against me. I know you have secret folders on me and my supposed illness is a pretence because they don’t want my powers to influence the world. I’m not paranoid Chris… I think I want to speak to somebody independently without them being biased.


Does it sound concerning considering they can stop me going? I would like honest answers please… thank you

Honestly you don’t sound too well.
They should stop you from going.
You don’t want to be stuck in India while you are destabilized.
Sorry @bobbilly.


They are not secret records. They’re publicly available if you request them. They are excessive and intrusive though. An example is 100 pages of notes for two months of service when I was in psychosis. She took notes everyday.

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If I were your doctor/nurse and you sent me that,

I would have some serious concerns.


Wave I appreciate your reply but I don’t feel unwell at all! I’m on a depot injection and I’m compliant but I have these deep seated suspicions which are hard to shake.

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I know for an absolute fact they have secret folders on me and all the notes I have have requested by freedom of information governance from the NHS, they have not sent me any real notes because Dr Bharker has a vendetta against me. I really don’t want to sound paranoid… By me not wanting to sound paranoid because I know it sounds paranoid means I’m actually well and that I haven’t got anything wrong with me. It’s Dr Bharker making me sound paranoid.

What are the suspicions?

Why would a psychiatrist have a vandetta against you?

Have to agree with the others, you sound a little paranoid.

If it’s true that getting APs would be difficult for you in India, would you want to become psychotic in a far away country? I know I wouldn’t, it sounds like my idea of a nightmare.


I don’t want to go too much into it. I’m worried about my pdoc reading this and preventing m going to India !!! I’m on a community treatment order, I’m off it in September (hopefully it won’t be renewed] I want to expose Dr Bharker has he has be displaying my specialness by saying their delusions!!!

What makes you special? You’re probably very intelligent so that is one thing.

Siddhartha Gautama The Buddha has personality told me I’m special!

That’s something all religious figures say though. I agree everyone is special and unique.

No this was very personal. He told me himself. Buddha wants me to sacrifice myself in the river Ganges because I have the ability to save the world. How come I have been on antipsychotic meds for 7 and if it’s a delusion why haven’t it diminished? Because Siddhartha Gautama has told me himself that I am special.

You.are not well and you don’t want to further become unwell in.india away from home especially.


Bobbilly, taking meds doesn’t remove ALL the delusions for anyone. They usually help most people, but probably all people with sz still have some delusions left. I’m a Buddhist and I think you’re mistaken about the Buddha talking to you, he’s in Nirvana and is unable to talk to you or listen to you. If you don’t believe that, try asking in a Buddhist forum. It sounds to me like you need to be talking about these things with your mental health workers, and maybe leave the holiday for another time when you’re better. Just my 2 pennies.

I have actually been taking all my meds. I don’t think I have SZA because the moment I heard Buddha’s voice that was so much more then anything I have experience since. He has truly changed my life.I have been Involuntary hospitalised 11 times since 2010 because I have spoken about my experiences but I will not be silenced not matter how much antipsychotics they pump in my be that atipical or typical. I can going to India in December. I’m worried about that email I sent because I let my true thoughts slide p

Well, it’s your life and your decision.

But I would say the voice you hear isn’t the real Buddha, because the Buddha doesn’t talk to anyone. And I don’t think he would want you to sacrifice yourself.

You know that Buddhists don’t pray to the Buddha right? That’s because he can’t talk to people, nor listen. If you don’t believe me ask some Buddhists.

It’s late here, I’m away, good evening.

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Frings I truly appreciate your advice. I don’t want it to sound like I think it’s trivial.

I’m very anxious about that email I sent.