I abused it for about four years.
And I noticed in some of your posts that you seem to feel desperat to feel happy, but don’t worry. Nobody is happy all the time, and just because you don’t feel the happy emotions as strongly as you feel you should, doesn’t mean the emotions you do feel are any less valid.
I learned eventually that the small joys count too.
I realized now that what bothered me this night, was my rumination about how to recover… I bug so much on this that its kinda of psychotic… I guess it would be good if I calm down on this too cause its turning in my head without a break… Am I right? Or I should just not care about this kinda of rumination too?
and also, is it strange that none of my aps didn’t give me back my emotions? I am on Zyprexa also… Maybe its the case of abilify(which I stopped fast cause it made me more paranoid)…
Anna I really think a therapy group that meets every day like a day treatment program would do wonders for you. One thing we learn is to give everything at least 3 good tries before deciding you don’t like it. That one has helped me. I realized all I had to do to start watching movies again was try and try again. Another thing is to try something you liked doing but haven’t done in a while. Go to the beach and put your toes in the water and take a picture. Next time maybe you’ll be fishing on a boat before you know it. In treatment we learn that the therapy can really rewire our brains. I think you have a lot of negative thinking and motivation problems and a good therapy will help a lot with this.
I don’t think you should worry too much about recovering. It will happen in time, and if you worry too much, you might start to panic that it’s not happening fast enough.
These things take time, recovery can be a slow process and it takes the time it takes.
Worrying will only make it take longer, and turn you blind to the progress you are making.
ok I see… that’s what I do those days lately. The lithium revived me in a way but now I think of recovering too and its painful, ■■■■… ill try not to worry, I hope I wont get more psychotic and panicked than this…
tukey, dear, what if my negative problems and low motivation come from the Zyprexa too? Cause this med helps me on some sides, but on others, it was killing me. I am almost pretty sure of what I am saying now. Its a chemistry… I cant fight such strong chemistry with words(therapy). I did group therapy in the past when I was only on the Zyprexa and it didn’t work at all! I really tried it, really…
I experience a quiet desperation on a regular basis, this world has wounded me, and my bad choices have pulled up so high that I look to nebulous things for relief. I’m incessantly plagued by an invisible squadron of supernatural agents that I cannot determine their or my or humanities destiny.
I basically think I’m going through an existential crisis, they’re more common than one thinks. There’s a short description of existential crisis on Wikipedia. It’s natural to ask difficult questions after being wounded or baffled.
I wish you well, difficulties in life have made me a more compassionate being I hope. Peace.
Pulled me down, not high…
You know i used a therapist when i had times like you had. But most therapist just looked at a clock. And then luckily i found a great therapist in crisis center. And she calmed me and helped me alot.
I cant have kids. And im sad about it. But better not to have kids.
My mind is not working and i cant do alot of things by myself and i need to be helped. That makes me feel helpless. But some things i can do myself and i enjoy being not so smart cause then i dont have to work with my brain and i can relax more than other people.
It seems you.need a good friend in your life for moral support.
I am here thinking of my childhood. what if I was diagnosed as kid? cause really, my parents didn’t answer my needs I find. I was very ill since kid. my father never told me that he loves me. I even don’t remember that he hugged me. instead of this, he was beating my mom and my sister. no words from his part to me. apart wanting from me good notes etc… My mother says that I didn’t go mad because of him, yeah… she claimed for years that my illness is purely genetic. she is clever, oh yeah… that’s for sure… but even if I was ill by baby, they should have treated me no? is there here people who had this bad chance but maybe, bad parents too? I think of this, yes. seriously… I went through hell for god sake… I didn’t talk since kid… why my parents were like this?
am I wrong? 
151515
I don’t think you should worry too much about what could have been. Nothing you do or think will change the past, but you can change how much energy you spend on it now.
Nobody knows if it’s trauma or genetics that caused schizophrenia, but we do know we have it.
I sometimes think about what life would have been like if the doctors had seen what was really going on sooner, if I had gotten the right medication at an earlier age, but it’s no use. I can’t change the past, all I can do is learn how to deal with the brain I have now, and keep hoping that one day I’ll start to improve.
yes, but maybe I could have avoided the sad looks of the docs on me. their bad prognosises… my mothers despair and deception from me. My mother told me multiple times that ill never have anything in the life because of this illness!!! while she has her fault you know. I know I do a harm to myself now, but she has her fault!! and now, all she wants from me is to help her always with the groceries and she gets mad if I don’t do it… I was her servant for years…
ok, I stop now. theres no point to be angry… but whatever… ■■■■ this life like far says it
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