I can’t stand myself. Just can’t stop comparing myself now to who I was a few years ago. Sneaky brained thinking tells me that if I stop my meds I’ll be that person again. Really grieving the loss today. My bf said that going through psychosis and hospitalization is traumatic and would change anyone, but this is different I feel. It’s the illness not the events that changed me.
Even if we could return to our previous states, our lives still wouldn’t be patently free of pain, evil, or suffering. There is still much disagreement in the world. We’d have to work full-time again & suffer pointless exhaustion all over again.
At least my exhaustion doesn’t feel fruitless, I feel like my suffering is causing greater connectivity between me & my Maker. Just learn to relax, is all I say. Just “be”.
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hug and a 
to brighten your day.
take care 
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at least uve got a bf
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Hey - that’s how I feel.