I use to think, ‘I can’t believe I have sz’. I still think that sometimes, but not as much now. When I was younger I had no idea that I would get sz. So I use to think this a lot. Does anybody else think these thoughts to yourself.
I feel like a total faker when I feel great and accomplish a lot but then the reality of depression and such comes back and I know I am sza. It’s crazy!
I ignored any thoughts about my diagnosis. Which probably wasn’t good as it meant I didn’t work hard to heal myself. Now, I make a tortured effort to be sociable because I know it helps.
It’s the functional times that remind me that I DO have sza, in the past the projects I’ve been working on would have me raging and f*cking up the whole thing.
Oddly enough, my first time in the er from a suicide attempt, my mom asked me if I thought I had schizophrenia as a joke. 2 years later I was hit with the diagnosis. I refused it. I didn’t believe I could have this illness that I knew nothing about. After countless hours of research and talking with my doctor I finally accepted it. It’s weird now because I’m doing so well in life despite still struggling with symptoms.
You can say tortured again. Ugh! Bc that’s what it feels like.
Look at you man! You’re doin’ it! Good work man!
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