Isn’t that funny? I feel like a failure compared to some people at my old early psychosis clinics who went on to lead successful lives. I haven’t gone off my antipsychotic since 2015, but the urge is always there. “What if I’m not sick? What if it was all a ruse to suppress my genius?” Can anyone else relate? And how does one work on the process of accepting this diagnosis? It feels absurd that I haven’t accepted it yet, compared to some people, but I just haven’t truly on a deep psychological level.
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I’ve accepted it.
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Was there a period of time where you didn’t accept it? Intellectually, I know that I have schizophrenia, but somehow can never be convinced of that on a deeper level.
Ya the first couple years, I guess. Then I had severe psychosis in 2015 and that convinced me and my family I have schizophrenia.
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I sometimes wonder if I am sz or sza, but I have no doubt that I am profoundly mentally ill. I probably am sza.
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I sometimes wonder if I was given or made to be schizophrenic. Or that I was just a little psychic or some ■■■■. I don’t think so. I mean I had some ‘visitations’ and some MRIs that made me very, very paranoid and ill. I like watching conspiracy theories and a lot of my symptoms line up with these guys.
I haven’t gone off my meds since starting them in April, but I sometimes wonder if I need them.
It’s hard to accept the fact that I was unwell before going on them; I almost feel like it was just a fluke that my internal monologue changed on me, I had racing internal voices 24 hours a day, and felt like I was possessed.
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I’ve only been stable for a few months and I’m now starting to worry that maybe I’m a hypochondriac and faking this whole thing up. But logically I think I know I’m actually schizophrenic, but I still have that worry and almost obsession. It sucks being schizophrenic and having OCD.
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I’ve fully accepted my diagnosis of schizophrenia for very few, very short periods (15 minutes-2 hours?) over the last 10 years.
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I’m in the same boat.
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Yeah I relate to that. I have a fear that I unconsciously “produced” my symptoms, like conversion disorder or pseudoepilepsy but with schizophrenia.
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I feel like I could just have PTSD but then again why don’t I have motivation? Why can I not work or go to school? Are ‘they’ helping me or are ‘they’ hurting me? I really don’t know who ‘they’ are but I can tell you something DID happen to me back in 2011 at college because in 2015 I got a visitation from some UFOs that reminded me of this. They triggered memories. It’s like amnesia barrier or some ■■■■. I had suffered so much from dissociation that it was worse than hell…
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I also had several UFO experiences. I also feel like many cases of schizophrenia are caused by complex reactions to trauma. Some researchers correlate a moderately to severely traumatic childhood event in like 85% of Szs. Certainly for me it was triggered by trauma because I was abused from 11-13 and my symptoms started shortly after that.
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Yeah I can relate that’s why I’m deciding not to take my invega injection tomorrow I’m going to disappoint my family but I think it’s whats best I’m scared of becoming someone I don’t recognize/numb and of the side effects do you have any problems with either of those issues ?
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Whether you accept it or not taking the pills is the key!
I’m glad I’ve always trusted my doctors. It’s lead me to greater things! May be not much in the scheme of the world but I do ok in my little sphere! I enjoy life…
You can get there too. So. It’s a disorder that affects your thinking…your thinking can be suspect to everyone else but you. If you don’t see that it becomes a problem which leads to first point…take the pills…
I was diagnosed at 29. I’d lived a lifetime of odd behavior! Getting medications was an amazing thing eventually for me. I’ve done some pretty far out things and some really ordinary ones too. I like my life and wouldn’t change any of it…
How do you feel about your life?
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I went through a period of believing like you do that I don’t have it. It caused many relapses and hospitalisations to realise that there might be a problem.
I would suggest you accept it and move on. There are worse things to have.
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