I hate anxiety. I am so anxious 24/7. My doctor only seems to care about psychosis. I believe this is because he knows he is more likely going to get in trouble if I do something as a result of paranoia than if I am just 100% crippled by anxiety.
It strikes me med prescribing is all ■■■■■■ up. If you are on the ward, surrounded by paid professionals they give you sedatives at the drop of a hat because it is easier for them.
In the community you are left on your own and they withhold the sedatives. Surely this situation should be the exact opposite. In a ward the staff should give you 100% if the care as they are there to do so. In the community you are on your own so need meds more than ever.
Please don’t get me wrong I am not begging for benzos. I just want something like vistaril to calm me down a bit.
I have been on Diazepam since last November, as my pdoc has been trying to prevent an admission, as he knows I won’t accept treatment in hospital anymore.
The trouble is, he tried to take me off it a few months ago, and I had terrible withdrawal symptoms - and even worse anxiety than it was supposed to be treating. I have had to go back up to 30mg a day, but it’s no longer effective as my anxiety still comes through and my tolerance is high of it now. I mention this because when I first take it I felt normal. That doesn’t last long. So how it works in hospital is only meant as a short-term solution as it just stops working after continued use.
He did mention paroxetine as an alternative for anxiety for longer-term. Perhaps you could see if this is possible?
I totally get what you’re saying about these drugs being withheld in the community, but I definitely agree they should be used, but only as PRN - as now I am effectively taking them to avoid the withdrawal, which will take 18 months to come off… and they’re not helping me anymore.
I told the pdoc why should I or him be worried about a Benzo when I take AP’s’, and he agreed with that.
I personally think the Paranoia and anxiety bounce of each other into a frenzied cycle that for me, I can only end by going to bed. I get confused between the two things.
I absolutely agree with everything you have said. In the community - when i ask for benzos - im sure they think im just trying to get high off them and am a junkie. Yet when on a Psych ward - yeah! no problem - “have 20mg Diazapam” - i need it when im outside as well dammit!
Ive been stressed all week and considered cutting again due to my financial difficultys - but i got no chance of even getting a low dose mate.
Anxiety is like a lot of “exclamation marks” and paranoia is just like a lot of “question marks”. Hopefully it is tolerable for you as long as you don’t experience both at the same time.
I am constantly paranoid, and would love to find a way not to be. It’s absolutely crippling.
Recently my pdoc tried changing me from Lexapro to Prozac though and I spent a week being crippled by anxiety. My mood was all over the place despite 100 mg of Lamictal and I found myself bursting into tears involuntarily. I do have 0.5 mg of Klonopin, which I took every day and which helped. But I stopped taking the Prozac after a week and the anxiety disappeared. I would never want to go through that again.
Very insightful, @anon35166066 and I wholeheartedly agree with you. My pdoc and nurses only care about my mood so, I am with you on that one. They don’t care about psychosis at all when it comes to me. Or it sure seems like that anyway. I just tell them that my mood is always good. And I’m not lying.
Hmmm I’m not sure if I’d prefer one over the other. With paranoia I’m terrified for my life. With anxiety I’m so overwhelmed I want to die. I guess anxiety is more dangerous, for me anyways. They’re both so awful.
For me, paranoia is worse than anxiety because I am only rarely anxious. Paranoia can be a constant thing with me. Or it always has been in the past. Paranoia can make me anxious I know that.
It is a difficult situation. I would absolutely avoid benzos. Like @Joker said, they only work short term. You are on an antidepressant as well, as well as gabapentin. I think you are doing everything you can.