Past relation

Our relation comes to an end a few years ago. Last time we saw each other, he said he had a new girl friend already and he wants nothing to do with me anymore. It has been three years. Three years has passed but i still feel strongly i love him. I often think about him. Like when i go to the fresh market, i want to cook for him again. I think i would love him forever. I was the one who broke our relationship first. It was when i began to feel unwell. I think i have made a bad decision. I wish i have stayed. I cant let go.

[quote=“goggles, post:1, topic:35133”]
I wish i have stayed.
[/quote]I sometimes experience one of my highschool crushes in dreams and it works me back into those feelings of love. We dated only about a month, and I broke up with her because we were only 14 or 15 and I was extremely depressed & couldn’t handle being with her + managing my depression. I never told her that, though, just broke up with her out of nowhere and probably hurt her feelings.

Now when I see her in dreams, I long for her. She was probably the only person I ever had in which we felt mutual attractions for each other. I “let go” just fine when I am awake, but somehow my dream states alter that reality when she will randomly appear and cause me to feel like a young Romeo all over again (I used to be a very romantic fellow, but tried to end that side of me after my last relationship ended terribly).

maybe because you haven’t met anybody new, you feel this way. How about trying to meet someone new?

I used to crush on a lot of guys, and now I don’t. i used to really want to get married, but now I’m too lazy to get out of bed in the morning, and I don’t think I’m going to bother with trying to get into romantic relationships anymore. I’ve kind of given up on friendships too for that matter, I mostly just talk to my family now. I go through phases were I regret missing out while in college, because my psychosis turned me into a total jerk and made me miss the most basic cues. i still regret that, but I can’t go back in time and fix it. I find my only reasons for wanting a relationship now are extremely shallow, perhaps because I’m not crushing on or in love with anyone currently. i feel like i shouldn’t get into a relationship unless i’m in love and willing to take on more responsibility, and neither of which are applicable right now. I still miss the people that were in my bible study at college, and I wish I could still see them or take things back and do things differently, but it is what it is. It still kind of haunts me to be honest, even 3 years after seeing any of them in person.