Schizophrenia.com

My old love reconnected

I spoke about this person once on this site, we were on a three year relationship, really crazy about each other.

We were really young and stupid, did a lot of stupid things to each other and then I broke it off.

To forget him I started a relationship with a guy that abused me, that lead me to almost commit suicide.

I was really unstable at the time, so I didn’t make the smartest choices then.

When I was floridly psychotic I tried going back but he was on a relationship and seriously, why would he want to start a relationship with someone that’s completely off her mind refusing help and medication. He was really sweet about it, and we remained friends for a while.

When it was time for me to go to the hospital him and his family, to which I’m still friends with, spoke to my mom about being worried about me. I went to his house talking gibberish and they were really worried, his sister later told me some of the things I said I don’t even remember it.

So anyway, a few weeks ago he came to talk to me asking me to go to his house one of these days and I still haven’t had the courage to go.

I’m afraid of falling in love again and I’m not ready to start anything. And really, he probably just wants to be friends anyway, maybe that’s what I’m scared about.

Everytime I go near him, I get all 14 year old girl, it’s ridiculous.

I should go see him though, and be friends with him, it’s not a person I would like to cut out of my life.

Just venting here, thanks for reading!

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Good luck with this. Sounds like a difficult situation. Do what you think is best for you and just be honest with him!

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If he feels the same about you as you do about him, then enjoy yourselves. whats wrong with that?

He probably doesn’t.

why do you think that?

I was really crazy last times I saw him, still very delusional. I don’t think that is a good precedent for him.

well you changed now, youre normal, just like you were when you first met him.

Yeah that’s true. My therapist said I’m not in a good place for relationships right now, also, and I agree. Also there’s the matter that he drinks a lot and does a lot of drugs, I doubt that changed.

Tough nut. Why do you fall in love with drunkards and druggies?

Lol. He actually wasn’t like that when we first met, we started using together. I got out, he didn’t.

Perhaps you can convince him to quit also?

That would be a beautiful love story. I shall see what destiny brings me.

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You think youre not capable of it?

I have no idea if I am. Not looking for a project though.

Whatever its your life.

Well it’s good news, right? I mean, you like the guy, and you will be seeing him. Expectations aside, that should be fun.

As for falling in love with him again… you’ll have to wait and see. I can only speak from personal experience, but for me it takes two to fall in love… I am thinking of this girl I fell in love with once, we went our own ways and then I saw her again after a year or so. I was looking forward to seeing her again, and excited about it, thinking about how things could turn out etc… But when we finally saw each other again it just ‘clicked’ the other way around: within a few minutes I felt like being friends instead of something more. It was just that the atmosphere between us was different now, hard to pinpoint any specific reason for it. But this made me think that in some sense, I cannot fall in love ‘on my own’ - the other has to allow it so to speak. I’m just guessing, but I can imagine you are now occupied with memories and fantasies of what was or could be or could have been… Things will be different once you see each other face to face I think. I mean, in anticipation there is a lot still unclear, but as soon as you’ve met again, some of those speculations will be ruled out, others may become more real possibilities… things will get clear.

As for whether he might see something in you… I think it is hard to erase feelings for someone we fell in love with once alltogether. I do not think of my exes indifferently, I still see what attracted me in them, and put very simplistic, in that sense I think they are ahead of people I am indifferent towards. Sometimes it ends in a fight of course, but if people part on good terms… I think there is always this possibility of seeing what charmed you in the other once more.

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You’re right. I’m kinda hoping we click on just being friends.

A lot of stuff happened in the meanwhile that I didn’t talk about in the OP so there’s a lot of history these last few years. We started being friends 10 years ago, then broke it off 6 or 7 years ago and a lot of things happened in the meantime. Mainly me being crazy the last few years of it.

Then silence for a year and now he reconnects, leads me to imagine the possibility of going back to him. And that terrifies me to be honest.

I’m just so confused I talked to my therapist and promissed him I wouldn’t start any relationships now lol That way I protect myself for future heartbreak and disappointment.

But you’re right, it’s a good thing. Especially if we’re able to just be friends without the awkwardness of having feelings for each other. Hope that’s the case.

Be safe about him drinking and getting high minnii but I don’t doubt he still cares. I would.
But you’re probably right to wait. Maybe tell him that if he sobers up that you two could have a chance again down the line.
I’m staying unmarried until I’m 80 in case my crush wants me back. Lol

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You’re definitely right. It’s a major turn off for me the drinking and getting high. I need to stay away from that stuff.

I’m betting he just wants to be friends though, so there’s no need to worry about it.

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You slept with him, right? If you did, then his invitation for you to his house might be a reason to get between your legs. Just thought id tell you that. Perhaps he also likes and would do anything for “crazy girls” :smile: