and I keep thinking
some winner
is recording or transmitting signals using
my body as decoy and all that happens is
just remote control but the body lives as if everything is real
All this happens for real, not rubbish, pure real drama
happening 24/7
I have to consistently fight thoughts that my pacemaker is alien tracking technology. It never completely goes away. The good news is that I’ve been pushing back for so long now that as soon as the delusion strikes, I automatically think, “no, that’s just my illness talking” immediately after and the delusion stops bothering me. Pushing back against the delusions has become an ingrained habit for me.
10-96
There are days when pushing back against the sneaky brained thinking is easier then others…
But when I’m thinking about some of the things that snag me up… (tracking devices sewn into my clothing… or kidnappers) I have to work to tell myself it’s not real. Or work to find the logic in the situation…
The catastrophic thinking doesn’t help either… but I think I’m getting better at beating it down…
the fight between my mind and my brain tissue is like a constant game of whack a mole.
Lots of people do not act right toward strangers…They lash out due to their own problems. Is huge help to understand this and understand mental care refuses to discuss this. As long as you can be patient with screwed up strangers and problems with the mental care policy, you can be okay. Car repair guy really scares me…Other folks in community were known to ditch their vehicle or lots of possessions that kept breaking, and found it really freeing for a while. It reduced the paranoia and living expenses a lot.
As far as symptoms & unpleasant tactile stuff, I just keep moving through my routine which includes a lot of studying right now. I need to do a lot more exercise but the heat & my screwed up sleep schedule wear on me. If feeling bad, I just take a pill & feel decent enough to keep moving in 20 minutes±.
Helps not to bother with much in the community. Things became more about other’s problems than original intention of the event/group, or worse, so no need to even trouble myself with their problems & what could happen to me. Other schizos do say things work better if we do not bother stressing ourselves with many social obligations/causes, just work & self care.
Try this
Life = Automatic + Selection.
Amen, bro. I gotta head full. If I let them run the show, I might as well head up the road to the Golden Gate and go for a swan dive.
im paranoid sz and i dont have any paranoid thoughts at all, think im actually schizo affective…