It’s not fun. I’m starting to think that people are talking about me, and people are stealing my thoughts from my posts online that I use for advocacy. I’ve told the Mighty community that they will not see more stories being published until this delusion clears up, so I’m holding back on writing stories that directly refer to my disability in general.
For some reason my disability makes me more paranoid- or at least conscious- about myself, and about how I walk. Now, I look completely fine because I try my hardest to walk “fine” (which actually looks just fine because I disguise it). But here I am, excessively worrying about what people are thinking of me and also about how people are stealing my thoughts out of my brain. One time, I thought that air was coming out of my head because I thought that my thoughts are being read by someone.
It sucks to feel this way. But I know these are delusions, so I’m on it to tackle it right away. I’m going to talk about this to my therapist as well and work on my trauma a bit. Trauma takes years to heal.
As much as hallucinations suck, delusions really suck, too.
Also one of the members told me that I don’t normally respond to posts. If I don’t respond, that will probably mean that I burnt out all my spoons (energy). If not, I’ll respond
I had some of the same delutions where I thought evil psychis where following me and part of the illuminati but now the voices say that was false and still saying there the illuminati
I spent all my life worrying about how I should “walk, talk, act” The least possible negativity towards my surroundings was my go to. I never thought it could be related to schizophrenia.
For me it’s more of a social stigma for us physically disabled folks. We are often very conscious of ourselves. Being in a wheelchair or walking funny can sometimes gather unwanted attention. Oh people also ask really inappropriate questions.
My schizophrenia kinda adds onto it as well. I thought people were using me to extract ideas or something.
This happened to me a few times aswell. Im not sure what to say because its still been happening. It feels like every one of my delusions need to put their 2 cents in like it matters to me.
Personally, id keep doing what youre doing.
You know, reading your story makes me want to open my own wordpress/blog aswell. Ive been having some pretty good chats with someone and hes really smart. I want to go over our conversations and repost all the “intellectual” and conspiracy stuff onto a blog. My schizophrenic rambles lol
I actually do have a blog but I know we’re not allowed to share it here.
Yeah my life is a mess. Who knows that I would have schizophrenia AND muscular dystrophy together? I post a lot about my story on here, and about having muscular dystrophy because it’s often intertwined. Muscular dystrophy surprisingly affects the mind so often as well because I’m often reminded about how I’m losing my ability to do certain things.
Be careful not to get intertwined with delusions though about conspiracy stuff! I also talk about my delusions too in my blog and I often read my friend’s blog as well who has bipolar w/ psychosis. It’s a good coping mechanism so I write as often as I can.
Sounds like you’re having a really rough trot. I get those thought stealing delusions too and they’re not fun. It’s great you know that their delusions.
I find that if I just let them be, don’t try to force them away, but try to just let them pass by. Like cars going past my house. Then they kind of fade into the background.
I hope you are okay now.