Paranoia---self destroyer

I got in an argument with upstairs neighbor a couple of months ago. I held my ground for a few moments then made a strategic retreat.
He said something like, “You don’t know what I do all day.”

And he’s right. But my paranoia and ideas of reference kick in and it seems like he’s in the kitchen most of the day until I have a show of weakness or lose my cool and then he stomps into his bedroom in the back.

People are animals and animals want territory. So sometimes all the bullsh*t from them is so they can control their own apartment, control my apartment and control the back common area including the carport where I park my car.

I have just been seeing this for the past year. They innocently sidle out back and act like they own the place. I will be telling my NAMI support group all this on Sunday. Our counselor swears we’re all equal and that nobody has power over anyone else.

But am I stupid? The friggen hulk upstairs listens to me when I’m in my apartment. He acts like he ain’t but whenever I show A) life. B)power or C)control I’m in this pattern where he uses his bulk and his damn mind and comes down hard and erased all those things.

I don’t know what to do when everybody swears he ain’t doing a thing even though it’s proved he does it at least twenty times a day.

I mean, how crazy am I if I get up at 8:00 am three days a week, fight traffic for a half hour to get to work, work among people for 6 hours, drive home through traffic. Lived on my own for twenty years, Three friggen classes away from my degree, handle my own money well, the list goes on.

But now all of a sudden I’m crazy and imagining some guy upstairs who’s probably crazier than me making subtle stupid sounds all day until I give up, and then he goes and takes a nap.

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