Our 14 year old 8th grade just announced today that

When I was 26 I dated a 41 year old woman. It felt a little weird.

But this is a little different. And illegal.

It is an interesting thought if he got her prego though. On one hand you would t want him in jail because he wouldnt be able to support the child. On the other hand…

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My little sister started dating a 23 year old when she was 13. My mom never tried to put a stop to it, though I’ll never know why. At 14, my sister was pregnant and married him (yes, it’s legal to marry at that age, at least where we lived). She now has three kids, and he is a verbally/emotionally abusive alcoholic. They live on welfare and often don’t have food, yet somehow he always has money for an 18 pack a night, plus cigarettes.

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Yeah I say report this guy to the police. He’s doing something borderline illegal.

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Yeah, as a young teen that dated pedophiles and it ruined my life, I would absolutely report this guy. Because that’s what he is, a pedophile.

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Because her brain is still growing in and developing connections. The little grey cells still misfire at that age (well, at all ages, but more at some than others).

We had something similar with Squirrelette and a greasy older boy. We firmly pointed out to the daughter she was still a child and that was going to be the end of it. I quietly pointed out to the boy that Canada has no death penalty and there were much safer girls to try and peg. I can do CRAZEE EYES when I need to and I think I sold it pretty well, he ghosted her on all social media the morning after our convo.

The daughter hated me for two weeks and then we were back to normal. Got thanked by her for it last year.

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I can’t believe your mom didn’t do anything and let her get married at 14! That’s so awful! In my state it’s 16, which I believe is still too young

It’s definitely too young.

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I wondered that. At 18 is he a pedophile? He may very well be and that’s scary.

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It might depend what state you’re in to determine the exact age/age difference that matters.

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Wow! She thanked you! She must be much older and more mature now. I’m glad he took off after your warning.

The difference between 13 and 18. She didn’t have a lot of friends at 13 and suddenly there’s this guy with a jacked up truck spending $$$ on her and showering her with attention. She didn’t question why because she still had a whole lot of little girl left at that age.

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I am so very thankful that one of my daughters is in college without having ever dated an older guy. I’m a bit of a hypocrite for saying this, though, as my husband is 13 years my senior.

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4 years isnt a big deal if it’s like 24 and 20. 14 is hecking weird for an 18 year old to want to date, and if he makes any physical contact he would be thrown in jail.

I had a girlfriend 2 1/2 years older than me when I was 17, and she had power over me from being more mature and being in a semi authoritarian position in an organization we were a part of, and she was manipulating to begin with. She ended up taking me against my will via alcohol and I was abused relentlessly for the next year until I gained the strength to walk away. (Please no one tell me men cant be raped by women, yes it is very possible and I dont feel like defending that point tonight)

I dont mean to make this thread about me, my point is that the maturity difference at that age is severe, even though women mature faster than males, or so I’ve heard I’m not 100% sure that’s true.

Contact the police to have them make a call saying they are aware of the situation, that should scare the heck out of him and if it doesnt then he has something nefarious on his mind.

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My mom was 14 when she got pregnant by my 18 year old dad in 1984. My grandparents didn’t press charges, but I honestly think they should have. He and I have a friendly relationship, he took in interest in my life when I got pregnant and married at 18, he’s tried to help us out with things, 2 years ago he paid 5k to fix my van as a way to apologize for not being th here for me as a kid. He actually remembered Kalick turned 16 on Nov 11, so I mean. Mixed feelings. I don’t know how you look at a just turned 14 year old and decide it’s a good idea at almost 19 years old that sex would be a good idea. Tell you what, my kids understand that 17/18 relationships are one th thing, but 18 and 14 no, pedo grounds. I have my daughter turning 13 next month, it makes me sick the high school boys that try to get her number. She comes home and is just grossed out. I told her she can date her own age, but she’s interested in getting good grades, focusing on studying culinary and baking, so I think she’sd safe for a few years. The kids all know about their grandparents. And I told them that they can tell anybody at any age no. Kalick turned down sex with his 15 year old ex, told him completely his right, but also a good idea cause age of consent in WI Is 18. Then we use my sister Laci as an example, started having sex at 13, she turned 30 in March, 5 kids, and a total of 45 sex partners never once using protection. She is prime example of why you respect yourself. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve taken her to doctor for STDs treatment, and she’s a junkie. Family, ■■■■■■ up lessons to be learned.

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When I was 19, I had the emotional maturity of a 14 year old.

A lot of 14 year old girls are looking for a boyfriend with wheels and so forth.

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I’m pretty sure that is straight up illegal. At least in the States.

Okay, now for my own unsolicited opinions.
I hate to bring this up in regards to a minor but I think it is very important to note that hormones run wild at this age. If ANYTHING sexual takes place, digitally or in person the law should absolutely be involved. Be aware that she will likely make attempts to hide this from you. Kids are great at hiding things. No one wants photos or conversations of that nature floating around, especially not on the internet.
The difference in maturity between 14 and 18 is huge. Grooming should be a huge concern of yours. Personally, I would get police involved anyways. This man, this legal adult, is most certainly engaging in predatory behaviors by pursuing a relationship with her. I would be the tiniest bit less upset if he was maybe a senior in high school and she was a freshmen at the same school, but certainly not someone who hasn’t even experienced high school with someone who has already graduated and can easily expose her to things she is not developmentally ready for. All of my hackles would be raised by this man.

Consider family counseling if this becomes a strain on your relationship with her. I wish you the absolute best of luck. This is a tough situation to be in.

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According to the law, it’s only illegal if he pursues sexual activity. Otherwise, it’s super gross but not technically illegal. But let’s be real, he’s obviously pursuing sexual activity. Report it to the cops definitely. But don’t be surprised if they can’t do more than intimidate him.

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Good point. 151515

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I don’t think freaking out over this and telling her she isn’t allowed to see him is going to help. And he is four years older, but that doesn’t mean he is a pedophile. There are many other explanations. He could be cognitively challenged. I don’t think reporting him to the police at this point is the right thing to do, either. You should talk to him about this.

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I don’t think he’s cognitively unable at all. He seems very normal in that regard. We’ve decided not to call the cops yet. We are letting him know he’s not welcome first. If he continues to pursue her, we will contact the police. We plan to let him know sex with her equals prison time.

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