One of the worst parts

My dad has dementia. I called him today and he was very upset because someone had come into his room to make sure he was showering, and when they left, he said, his wallet and keys and other items were missing. I texted my oldest brother, who is in charge of my dad’s care, and he had a cold dismissive response.
It all worked out, and the people at my dad’s care facility helped him. They found all the missing items.
My heart breaks for my dad. I know exactly what it feels like to believe something that’s not true, and to not be able to trust your memory or thinking. And my brother does not understand how scary it is and has no compassion.
Having a mind you can’t trust is absolutely one of the worst parts. And people who have never experienced that do not understand.

14 Likes

Yeah I want to tell my brothers about my belief that people can hear my thoughts and I see shadow people, but my mom says not to b/c they won’t understand and may not want to be around me.

1 Like

I’m sorry about that, @dbzmatt, because they’re missing a pretty major component of what your life experience is.
It’s frustrating because, for me, I’d love to explain/share what has been the majority experience of my life too, but I know people just don’t get it. They either think “wow, can’t you get that fixed (clean that up)?”, or “that’s too weird for me, so I dismiss you and your experience”…
I think if someone really cares about you, or is even just intelligent enough to be curious about the topic, they should ask questions about what you’ve seen, heard, felt, and just offer support. People are short-sighted and it’s disappointing.
I get offended on behalf of my dad because my brother doesn’t understand how real my dad’s experiences are to him, and then how terrifying it is to find out that he’s wrong, regularly. My dad was a brilliant lawyer up until just about 10-11 years ago when he retired. Now, he can barely function without assistance. I just wish my brother had more compassion for what my dad’s going through.
You should do what you feel is right in regards to your brothers. Whether you tell them or not. Sometimes people are disappointing and lack understanding, but every once in awhile they can be surprising too. :heart:

1 Like

Cool thanks for the kind words and advice

1 Like

I know what you mean, its not fair, i kind of relate with people with dementia, my memory isn’t as bad as that but i do get frustrated a lot when i cant remember something and i know it’s in my head somewhere but i cant find it :confused: , it sucks

just try and be there for him and reassure him, its not his fault really its just old age :frowning:

2 Likes

I think this is the best conclusion for this topic.

I don’t blame my dad. I have extreme empathy and compassion for my dad. Plus, I relate to how terrifying and frustrating it is to not have full control of your own mind while it slips away from you.
My point was that my brother has no empathy or compassion for our dad because he doesn’t understand my dad’s experience.

1 Like

Yes, I missed that part. Do you have other sibling or family member who can take charge of your Dad’s care?

You’re a problem solver, @Norlane. I appreciate that. Thank you for your comments. My dad is in an assisted living facility. My brother chose it and did a good job since it’s a nice place and my dad is safe.
Maybe it doesn’t matter that my brother has no compassion because it doesn’t affect my dad’s care. It just bothers me and makes me not want to talk with him.
It bothers me partly for myself. I know that my brother will never understand my or my son’s condition (we both have sz) I don’t understand people who can’t or won’t try to understand someone else’s experience towards having compassion. But I guess I expect too much.

1 Like

I hope your brother will eventually understand you and your son’s mental condition.

1 Like

Thank you, @Norlane. That’s really kind. :heart:

1 Like

I wonder if anyone can really understand anyone else’s life experience. But to be a compassionate person, one needs to try. I don’t expect anyone to understand some of
my most difficult experiences anymore, but sure do appreciate anyone who will just take the time to listen.

1 Like

This topic was automatically closed 14 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.