My dad has advanced dementia. My oldest brother is retired, and is very capable, and has been handling doctor’s appointments, etc. He was anxious to get my dad moved into an assisted living place for a long time and now has done it. My dad’s moving out of his home in a few weeks. It’s an upsetting time generally, but part of what’s bothering me is that I’ve been offering help for a long time and now that things are set for my dad to be moving, this brother has delegated all the responsibility to himself and one of my sisters. I am set to the side, ignored and overlooked, as I have been for years. It hurts because I’m offering help and am capable, but I know in his mind I can’t help. Makes me feel helpless, disabled and just generally crappy. I feel generally capable in my daily life, and then something like this reminds me that my siblings see me differently. Maybe they’re right…
Have you tried talking with them about how you feel?
I don’t think they care. They’re not bad people, but they’re both “get the job done!” kind of people. They’ve decided and they’re in charge. I did a lot for my mom when she was dying… But dealing with my dad is different, I get it… It just hurts to be discounted in a situation I would like to be a part of. Thank you, @Anna 
️
Well, you can still visit your dad. It will be helpful and important. But I know what you’re feeling. But hey, it was a load off of your mind to let your brother do all the work. Maybe you can help in other ways. But I totally know how you’re feeling. They are not right.
I agree with Nick, at least you can visit and help in other ways. I know if you put yourself available, something will come up for sure. Tough situation.
When my brother-in-law was hospitalized for a serious illness I visited him. I brought him a top-notch dinner I bought at a grocery store. He appreciated it. When my sister was in the hospital for a serious kidney problem, I visited her several times. One time I went into the hospital to visit her and as I walked into her hospital room, she was laying in her bed softly crying. It broke my heart to hear it.
But anyway, when I visited her another time, I just asked her, “Is there anything you want or need”? I’ll go out and get you anything I need or want". I meant it. She appreciated it and she asked for a deck of cards and some good food. I ran right out and bought those things and brought it to her. But I would have gotten her anything she asked for. And she was so glad to have a visitor. She really liked the company.
So my point is that you can still help or do something for your dad. I am sure that he would just like having a friendly face by his side to keep him company.
You’re right, and I appreciate your sharing. I know my dad will be occupied with the stress of everything being new and he won’t wonder where I am. It’s just how this brother and sister disregard me because my track record is of one who needs help more than one who is helping. But, I can’t change that, and you’re so right that I need to focus on what I can do and not anything else. You are really wise, @77nick77. Thank you for good advice 
Maybe they just don’t want to stress you out?
One brother and sister of mine are doing well and are take charge of many things. My other brother has been jobless and now nearly homeless.
But my stressing out about what to do doesn’t help him any. And they know me so they don’t count on me fixing anything. They are just happy I can take care of my own family.
So don’t take it personally Hedgehog.
That’s a good thought. Thank you. ️ They’re only human and they are getting things done… I’m the youngest of seven, so it’s always been difficult to be heard and acknowledged. Thanks for your encouragement, @katwomansz
I’m the oldest of five and I think there is pressure to do things, because you are older and supposedly have more life experience?!?
My youngest sister, well she is still the baby to the rest of us, and she’s 45 years old!
But she’ll have the last laugh because she will outlive the rest of us. 
So you have good insight on their position! Thanks Yes, I’ll always be younger! I believe, though, that my “screwing up” my life and needing help while they’ve always taken care of themselves is the main issue for us. I feel like a screw-up, and that they’ll always see me that way, while at the same time I feel I’ve improved in many ways and should be seen at this point as capable. Family is exhausting…