I don’t want to go to hospital neither "deep down’ or in any other way . So why do I keep being trying to get there yet prevented from doing so? Even worse, it was one of those loopy dreams that go on forever.
I believe it could be because you are afraid of going to the hospital. Then your subconsiousness (sorry I can’t spell this word) brings it into your dreams. I don’t believe it means anything other than you really don’t want to go to the hospital
Are you impacted by your dreams?
In this case yes. I spent several hours last night dreaming about the opposite of what I want while awake.
I try ‘to chill’ about my dreams and not obsess with them. When things aren’t going well I have the tendency to put too much weight on my dreams. I would just relax and tell me ‘it’s just a dream’.
I have had those dreams too. Dunno what they mean.
I have a recurrent dream that i forgot i had a very difficult math exam, suddenly someone asks me “shouldnt you be going to the math exam” and then i realize i should and now want graduate. Nabokov had those dreams too.
It is a nightmare, and these are the exaggerated worries represented in your dreams. It is the fear of going to a hospital and the fear of thinking you may need to go to the hospital.
@labratmat That makes sense but both times I had this dream - almost identical - I “felt” I really wanted to go to hospital, which is not what I want at all. I think my so called sz is playing tricks with my dreams. I experience them differently and as I wake up the subjective, almost liquid texture of the dreamworld is still there. It’s even beginning to affect the way I remember things: earlier today I had an x ray for my lungs, and as I think back about the experience it feels like something I’ve dreamt about , remote, vivid and with the same liquid texture. It’s probably nothing.
I have that dream very often, thinking I’ve got an exam or essay to finish the next day.
The subconscious is telling you the opposite of your conscious reality.
Why would the subconscious mind want to go to a hospital? Is it because you have conscious ‘desires’ to die and you would be safer in the hospital?
What does thinking about a hospital invoke in you? Good food, stable, safety and security? Happy isolation from the external world? What is it about a hospital that you find welcoming?
Perhaps this could lead you to an answer?
@labratmat My life now provides me with all the isolation I need, which lately is a lot. And I’m enjoying having my own kitchen and I’ve got a mentor who helps me with practical cumbersome tasks. I’m genuinely happier here than I was at the hospital. The truth be told I don’t miss anything about the hospital, and I know I won’t hurt myself. Come to think about it I’m mostly quite happy, working towards a possible new book, getting along with friends and family, reading good books and watching horror movies at night for relaxation. And why not, in a little while I’ll treat myself to a scrumptious gin and tonic.
Wouldn’t a psychologist play a word association game where s/he would say what is the first word that ‘hospital’ provokes? etc. To find out these deep recessed ideas and to get a bearing for these notions.
I wouldn’t worry too much about these dreams. Manifested subconscious desires and fears in extreme and exaggerated scenarios is quite normal. The brain while dreaming is putting most of this into the rubbish pit of the mind anyway.
I use Dream Bible - Dream Interpretation of Circle for icons and imagery interpretation for my dreams.
To dream of a hospital represents a mindset that is serious about fixing problems or confronting emotional ills. It reflects attempts to do all you can to confront or improve a problem. A crisis point. A situation that forces needed change. Feeling a strong need to fix a bad relationship after fight. Urgently sorting out problems.
Choosing to go to a hospital in a dream is a sign that you are making changes that promote psychological, emotional, or physical well-being and a more balanced lifestyle."
Dream bible is spot on as per usual from your description of your life!