Not feeling mentally well right now

DX'd - Other
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Something is off in me right now, but I don’t know what it is exactly.

Sometimes I think about my life and how much I struggle just to get by, and it occurs to me that I probably have decades of struggling ahead of me, unless I off myself before it can come to that.

The thoughts of all the hell that MI has put me through over the past 25 years makes me wonder if I can handle another 25 years (or more?) of this ■■■■. I’m turning 40 next month, and the psychotic symptoms and serious depression started when I was 15.

I’m angry as hell right now, though not angry at any of you. I’m just feeling extremely irritable.

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Life just sucks sometimes. I’m sorry you’re having a rough go of it. You’ve sounded frustrated in your posts lately. I really hope things start to look up for you soon.

If things get desperate, don’t forget about those crisis hotlines, your pdoc, and even hospitals. Get whatever help you need. You matter, and you are worth it.

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You can’t completely avoid thinking about the past or the future but if it’s distressing to you just concentrate on the day-to-day stuff for a while.

Take a break from the past and future and deal with things 24 hours at a time for now.

Other than that I agree with what @Happy_H said.

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Leash,
I’ve gone through what I think you may be going through. Say, when I turned 40, or when I had my 15 year dx anniversary, I took inventory of my mental, physical, and spiritual health.

It was tough. What I decided is that I wanted to keep hoping… for change. I dismissed those life enders, and chose to live. I hope you can do the same.

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Struggling can be a drag. But you must have experienced a better quality of life than if you didn’t struggle. You probably just tired. After a good nights sleep I feel more ready to go. But tiredness really changes my attitude to a negative. One possibility and others have good things to say above.

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I could write what you just did at least once a month. It’s usually work and life/financial stress that triggers it off.

I am starting to see a pattern forming, I hope you can too. I am going to be requesting a prn set of medicines to fight it when it happens.

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39 years and counting. I miss my youthful energy and spontainatety but I have other qualities I like about myself. And isn’t liking yourself a factor in a happy life?

I do understand where you’re coming from. I was blessed with blissful ignorance. It stops me from worrying about everything. Sometimes my life seems like crap and other times it feels good and I have a lot to be thankful for. But your post is why in every AA meeting they say take it one day at a time.

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