I had this feeling since I learned to think and talk. I could not live at least to the minimum of what normal day to day people do or die because there is no hope in me. Only thing I could and I am able to do is study average, work average and rest of the time ruminate about escapism.
Work and study average does not mean I am good at it. There were lots of downs than ups. I am faking it till I can make it and it’s been 40 years. Sometimes I would be asked to leave. If it does not happen it’s a medical miracle.
Anyone related to this or am I the odd one out here?
Yup. We should probably be given a separate city or state to live as living among anyone who never experienced any mental health issues feels like I am nobody.
Yes I feel like the only one out of all that ever existed or will exist with my certain feelings and decisions.
I personally don’t believe in pain or suffering anymore like I used to as a way to endure life and accomplish in life.
In all honesty we’re given this forum and I don’t feel lonely anymore like I used to.
Instead of life being enduring at the moment I will admit it’s just challenging now.
At the moment I’m not in any type of pain physically or emotionally I’m just very challenged at the moment. A little bit of anger and a little bit of frustration and torment. I know there’s a purpose for this anger torment and frustration and I accept it. I think right now the purpose for it is for me to be more responsible. When I think about things I have a lot to lose in life at the moment.
Sometime I wonder was it how I approached to situation in difficult time.
Did I fright, flight or freeze.
I think, I have always took a flight out of situation, which is now become automatic response these days.
Escape from every situations.
I am not able to face any thing or any one.
I want to be inside my room.
Not even the sun light.
I talk to the sun, was it an escape root i found-out due to which dopamine or the rewarding chemical is released automatically by escaping from reality.
Got to admit that I am disabled, you know when the doctors labelled me disable, I felt that I have acted out being disabled, to get the percentage higher. Then now when I try to achieve some basic task like cooking and chores I am not able to do it. I am a lie , that I can do great things. such that I could escape the smaller tasks.
SZ is a time keepers prison in my opinion. I could have done something in future but the time keeper caught me and put me in a imaginary prison.
For me the medications are way too effective.
Only thing now lacking is decision and escapism.
I somehow feel sleep pattern is something we need to look into.
I feel personally if one is getting a good amount of sleep like 8 to 10 hours that person can be considered manageable with medications.
I sleep for 8 - 10 hours.
How long do you sleep?
I was frustrated and depressed that I required so much sleep. As it took me time to wake up also which left me with very few hours for the day to do things or get things done
