No interest in life anymore

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I got diagnosed with delusional disorder back in 2011. It’s a very rare condition and it sucks. My world turned outside down and I ruined a lot of relationships in my life. After some traveling and recovery and realizing/accepting my condition, I got my life back and I was fine on 5mg of abilify. I gained 50 pounds in one year with this medication. Then in 2013, I quit smoking. I had a relapse in 1 month just after that and after five months of psychosis, I was hospitalized and put on 80 mg of Zeldox, morning and night. I recovered in February 2013 and continued living my life. I lost weight, start exercising again, I got a great job, went to uni etc. The side effects of Zeldox were so severe that I woke up at 4:30 am everyday, took the pill, went back to sleep so the dizziness would wear off and at night, I would take 0.5 mg of ativan to treat my insomnia. Anyway, sometime forward, finally I was brave enough to ask my doctor to switch to a more practical medication. He suggested Latuda and I’ve been taking it for a month now. Other than twitching my fingers, I don’t see any weird side effects. I stopped the zeldox morning dosage and now just taking 80 zeldox at night with 40 latuda. Gradually, I’m gonna cut off zeldox completely from my system. In about 1.5 months.

Now it’s been about 5 months, I no longer have interest in living. I don’t have emotions anymore. I adopted a cat and had to take her back to the shelter because I couldn’t connect with her. The usual things that made me happy have become meaningless such as summer, laying in the sun, makeup, laughter with friends. I don’t have interest in anything. I’m pushing myself as much as I can, going shopping, exercising everyday, going for walks. I’m better in the mornings when I wake up but afternoon, I’m becoming miserable and desperate. I used to get so happy when I bought new clothes, now, I don’t even like getting dressed for an occasion. I’m very successful in my life and I have everything I need, I just don’t know what’s causing me this misery. My doctor’s appointment in a month, I’m gonna ask him to send me to therapy but I can’t get over my unexplainable sorrow.

My question is has anyone gone through something like this after being diagnosed? Does it get better?
Have you gone to therapy and spoken with a shrink? Do you think it would help me?
I’m just afraid, six months forward if this continues in my life, I might become suicidal. I don’t know how to enjoy life anymore. Maybe it’s just a chemical Imbalance in my brain?

thanks so much for your time and help. my name is karen

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Hi Waterway, I don’t know much about delusional disorder, but what you’re experiencing sounds very similar to the negative symptoms of schizophrenia.

There are ‘natural’ negative symptoms and then those caused by antipsychotics themselves.

Abilify at its therapeutic dose of 10mg helps me somewhat with negative symptoms. Coffee can help short term, but then makes things much worse long term.

Have you mentioned this to your doctor? Some people here would recommend an anti depressant, but that brings more side effects and it’s own set of problems potentially.

Why were you never put on 10mg of abilify on the first place? 5mg just acts as an antidepressant and not an anti psychotic.

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Hi Karen - Welcome.

I have lack of Motivation, sounds like you are still pretty motivated.

I dont feel as much pleasure doing things that I once enjoyed doing - I used to love watching a good movie, playing the guitar, socializing with friends, etc, etc… I just feel kind of empty and disinterested, especially lately.

Its hard for me to pinpoint why I am like this, but I just am - it could be some depression, it could be part of negative symptoms, it could be the Antipsychotic that I am on etc… It could be all of these reasons.

I would talk to your psychiatrist and tell him how you are feeling, he might lower your meds a bit or place you on one antipsychotic or maybe he will find that you are depressed and place you on an antidepressant?

The whole key is not to give up - try to connect with peope as much as you can, do not give up the things you once liked to do - keep moving forward, even if you do not find a lot of pleasure in doing these things any more.

Talking to a therapist cant hurt, but your issue might not be psychological, it could be biological, and this is whre your psychiatrist comes into play.

Best of luck with everything - Some form of exercise everyday can help - I try to walk everyday

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Hi Karen. I have been basically delusional through out my adult life so far but the new chemicals like Sarcosine (N-Methyl Glycine) and a balance of amino acids along with some major vitamins and minerals I take everyday along with the prescribed medications are really effective. I am starting to feel much better also after I quit smoking and drinking 6 months ago too.

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yeah, I was just browsing the forums and I noticed a lot of articles about this. I was put on 10 mg of ability but I couldn’t take it because of the side effects. It gave me palpitations and I was restless all the time, all I was doing was eat!
I don’t know if I want to take more meds especially anti depressants. I went through so much to quit abilify, I had brain zaps for about 4 months. I spoke to my doctor, but these people are so careless. I live in Montreal, I don’t know if it’s different anywhere else but my doctor just listens when I have something to say, he makes suggestions but he’s not very helpful.

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I’d definitely talk to your doctor if this keeps up. I have gone through patches of this from time to time. It’s more like recurring depressive episodes that only last about a day or so. Having been on this forum for a year now though it is very common with mental health issues to lose interest or satisfaction in life.

I don’t know if you’ve looked into therapies and how much you’ve read into your illness. I also don’t know the extent of the delusions you have. Whether they are grandiose to the point of conspiracies against you, or more minor like this car is following me. With training though you should be able to consciously recognize and understand when a delusion is present.

Meds change the way the brain operates. Latuda is pretty complex from what I’ve heard. Never heard of Zeldox, but it sounds like a heavy hitter. Perhaps once you’ve transitioned of the Zeldox things will get better.

Hang in there. Keep up strong contact with the ones you love. They should be the best support for you.

I had to learn to forget about the psychosis while it was still going on in order to be less preoccupied with the disorder and more naturally inclined to take interest in life.

People will encourage you to not obsess over your illness. I don’t know for sure but if that is what you’re doing, trying to solve the puzzle of your mind, I’d say do think about it until you feel there is nothing left to learn, when all the confusion gets reduced to finite in answerable questions then it’s time to learn to put it out of your mind.

Good luck Karen. The forum may be for SZ primarily, but there are a lot of other disorders that surface here. Stick around. You’ll be in good company.

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Are you still going to work/uni? I have had such a period for about half a year. This started a few months after a psychosis when I was on risperidone. Now my doctor thinks it was what he called a post-psychotic depression, rather than negative symptoms of sz. He explained it to me as a kind of natural reaction to the intense episode I had been going through. In a way, now that it was possible, I showed the exhaustion that build up in that episode. I was unable to enjoy anything as well in this period. For instance, my friends took me to a concert of my favorite artist, something I would have been excited about for weeks normally, and now I left after half an hour. I just couldn;t see the point of staying there.

Anyway, some other factors in life played a role as well. I quit my studies for half a year after my psychosis, and had a boring part time job I did not see any future in. In my days off, I did not quite know what to do with my time. The routine of going to classes had kept me going, and this has throughout my later life persistently showed to be the case. I need my routines otherwise I will retreat and lose interest and motivation and eventually pleasure as well. So if you are still engaged in study or work I would recommend staying so. Even if you dont enjoy it. In my experience, giving up on such routines only makes things worse. Also, its good that you excercise, try not to give up on that either.

So it seems to me, you are doing right a lot of that you can do about it yourself - don’t stop doing so. So a change of meds seems the way to go now. Hang in there till your appointment.

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thanks so much Wave. I’m exactly like you. Lack of motivation and interest and empty feeling. I used to be a very lively person. I’m still pushing myself but it’s really difficult.

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Thanks so much flybottle.
I finished uni but I want to do some more coursework starting this fall. I lost my job last month but I also freelance which keeps me busy. I’m just gonna continue doing my best until I see my doc, maybe he has a better suggestion, let’s see. It’s just that everything feels like a chore.

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Don’t worry. There are so many things worth living for.

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Welcome to the forum @waterway

I’m on 80 mg Latuda with 50 mg Seroquel.

What your going through sounds very much like the negative symptoms of this head circus.

It drains away the feeling… disconnects me from those around me. I’m not depressed… I just don’t feel anything about anything. It’s more like I’m just watching life like a semi-interested viewer. I can’t connect… I care about what happens to others… but at the same time… I don’t.

finding the joy in a situation seems like a waste of time. That was when I was going through some deep wax build-up of the negative swing.

I got put on Latuda and was getting so much better.

Also… I don’t know about you… but when I push myself too hard… I tire out… then the energy goes away and I end up flat again. Keeping the energy up… staying well rested… giving myself some down time helped me get out of the negative swing.

I can’t keep up a frantic pace… life does mover slower for me… it’s become a lot more simple too… but that’s OK because I’m getting out of the negative swing.

I hope you feel better soon… defiantly talk to the doc… be patient with yourself on the days your feeling flattened… I hope the batteries recharge.

Get to know the negative symptoms… you can’t fight them if you don’t know what they are.

Good luck… I’m rooting for you :v:

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Hey @SoitGoes my mental illness is exactly like schizophrenia excluding the hallucinations. I just have the delusional part of the illness. I did have grandiose illusions, my delusions are not simple as a car following me. When I get ill, I feel like I’m on top of the world and my IQ drops way down, and I mean way way down. My basic reasoning disappears. At this point, I’m focusing on exercise and art but I need to find a source of happiness.

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I feel you. I didn’t have problems with motivation with the illness by itself, but once I got on medication (Invega), I lost passion for my job, which is really needed in my field. You just get to a point where you don’t want to do anything but eat and sleep.

I doubt we’ll be using the same antipsychotics forever. They’ll develop better treatments eventually.

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That’s an interesting correlation…

I get that high on life thing going on sometimes, but the only reason is because I feel smart as hell. Drive fast, talk fast, processes processes processes. Self consciousness subsides and I just do. Even in the face of hallucinations that typically leaving me spinning in introspection.

We on opposite ends of the spectrum. I have no real delusions aside from the contemplations regarding whether my hallucinations are real, but I hallucinate constantly. Hearing voices right now. As soon as I start writing and start thinking I’ll get all sort of secondary thoughts my brain identifies as other people commenting on my state of being or what I’m thinking.

The IQ drop. That’s gotta be a really odd experience.

I did used to have a lot of delusions, but I’ve found a good sense of reality. If the hallucinations would stop and never come back, it would still take me a long time to not believe in telepathy. I’d have to will myself not too. Should probably try that anyways, but on this particular day I’m almost entertained by it.

It overlays the real human experience so seamlessly. There are times when it seems people are responding to my thoughts and stuff.

Therapy, especially cbt is great. It does sound like you have a huge shift in the functioning of you brain though. That might go beyond what mindfulness, behavioral chains can break down.

The delusional worldview I had before getting sick involved aliens, gods, the big God, the illuminati, the reptillians. All this occultist ■■■■ I had been reading about, with a grain of salt of course. Then I started thinking about telepathy and how it might work. Then one day I smoked weed and heard a voice. I was probably mentally ill before that point but that’s when everything I had learned about got pieced together into a long progression of hallucinations and delusions and all sort of ■■■■ for about a year.

There was also the Jesus complex tied in their. During my second hospitalization. They would tell me I was a ‘god bisexual’ like Jesus. The hospital I was in was like a bunker so I laid in bed and it was like WW3 going on out there. Hearing bombs in the distant and gun shots and also hearing the voices of my family members who were stuck in piles of fema coffins which were then shot at with them alive and inside. I could hear their voices as bled out. My brother tried to night his tongue off to die a little quicker. Then he started saying “that was stupid, that was stupid, that was stupid,” sounding like it would if he had half a tongue.

It all seemed real. The world was coming to an end, but I was safe because they found me. They were going to keep me free of charge apparently.

Was a bad experience. A few days into the visit my mother and brother were both there to visit and it totally undid the delusion and the hallucinations that supported it.

Then eventually I got out of the hospital and I realized that people were not against me, ww3 wasn’t going to happen, I was not a Jesus and all kinds of delusions went away.

There were a lot more to come. Reincarnation, body swapping, mole people, telepathy.

I was just a new soul in the world that found out to much to quickly and began to thought broadcast when I wasn’t supposed to be able too. Everyone else has assumedly had past lives where they figured out telepathy and when their minds were reincarnated they began again as children but with this telepathic ability. So I’m running around though broadcasting while all the reincarnated telepathic masters would just talk ■■■■ on me at every opportunity. Then I’d finally get to be a lone and I’d wind up talk to David Rockefeller and the president and other people about what was going to happen to the world.

It was interesting to see humanity that way for a while everyone had past lives and their current lives could be totally different and all that.

There was a lost more to it but it’s hard to sum up a year in a few paragraphs.

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You’re doing better than a lot of sz’s, myself included. I hardly ever leave my room. But if you feel like you need more out of life maybe you should try an anti-depressant. Talk to your doctor about it. Also, you might try “sarcosine”. I’m taking it, and I think it does help me a little with the negative symptoms.

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My god. I wonder what you went through emotionally experiencing something like that. Especially with family members, it damages you emotionally. I have other delusions, like cameras. I always think there are cameras everywhere I go and people watching me. I don’t know if this is common but during my relapse, I was always careful, the way I talked, the way I moved, putting on clothes etc. Part of psychosis. At one point, I was afraid of the camera on my iMac. Other delusions I have include getting married to a stranger, someone is in love with me, who I don’t even know. Being famous, sometimes reincarnation and other vague psychotic thoughts.

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Thanks, I will look sarcosine up. I want to have a normal life and function like a normal person would. I’m very ambitious and want to achieve a lot in my life. I’m upset for no reason and I can’t get past it

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Your handle is ‘waterway’…because Montreal is an island city?

I was born there btw… :slight_smile:

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If you want to order some just click on the picture at the top of this page. That will lead you to a place where you can buy it. I’ve been taking sarcosine for a couple of months now. I didn’t really notice much of an effect until I skipped a couple of doses. I felt it then. I figure I can afford to pay for it, so why not buy more?

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I also went through a time when I had no interest in life, it was part of the negative symptoms of sz that I suffered for months on end at a time. Olanzapine helped with these depressing feelings, and I have more motivation nowadays.