Hello, Its good to find this forum. Oops long post
I have been diagnosed with schizotypal personality disorder, bipolar 1 with psychosis, generalized anxiety disorder (bad). Neuropsych test says deficits in verbal learning, processing and attention. I am a totally different person now. After I got sick I left work, volunteering, a lot of social life and lost all my passion.
I have been told I have a vivid imagination, I see illusions a lot, sometimes hallucinations. I feel evil presence at night.That never seems to end. A lot of sz type things but I don’t have sz. I go through bad periods full of fear about being followed, recorded, and surveiled, bugged, etc, but even when not sick a constant recognition that it’s likely happening… but often also recognizing it’s paranoia at the same time when I’m well. (I know it doesn’t make sense). I’m on meds but I think they are making me so tired, unfeeling, and so unmotivated that I can’t shower or live a normal functional routine. It’s the worst part. I think it’s causing some ‘negative symptoms’ but problem is it’s been the best antipsychotic I’ve been on, no other side effects, and I’m pretty sure all antipsycgotic I tried have all taken away my motivation anyhow. Vyvanse has helped a little, according to others they see it too. Maybe I have ADHD and they won’t tell me.
My psych nurse said in recent two sessions that I has SZA and I should talk to my PDOC if I want to know more about that (they work together closely). But then next session she said that although she had told me that I have Sza, not to focus on it. (I doubted it any way because I have huge insight, I feel everything that’s going wrong). I said to her that I thought that I had the other diagnoses from before (BP1 etc), and she said ‘yeah that’s probably right and sounds familiar’.
It’s like they are hiding something. I suspect they are hiding that I have Alzheimer’s or dementia, it’s in my family. She says no they aren’t hiding anything so he is ordering a CT scan to show me apparently.
I have good problem solving and other things from my old career in management, social work.
*Anyone have schizotypal and BP1 and have brain deficits, have it change who they are, bad motivation?and have some things in common with me? I feel very alone.
I hope I can be here with these diagnoses?? I do have things in common, this negative type symptoms but likely from the drugs. I need to hear from others going through this.
I wish there was something to relieve me. When does this end? I’m just grateful for a supportive family.
