New relationship (a rational approach)

I have been studying for a course for many years and didn’t try to get a relationship. I never thought I couldn’t get a girlfriend. I just wasn’t trying to.

Now my course has finished and in a discussion on here I was called incel (not true). After my last thread was deleted a few weeks ago, I decided the answer for me was to get a girlfriend and prove I could do it.

So I went on a dating app and found a lady. Even though it’s lockdown and we can’t yet meet, we chat constantly on Whatsapp all day, we send each other lots of video messages and we video call. We love each other. She is pretty enough for me to be able to give her a relationship, as she would need to be.

It is very strange for me to be in a relationship and I have to say that some aspects of this situation are very shocking.

She bases her expectations of me on her previous boyfriends. When she found out about my diagnosis she ditched me at first then changed her mind and we got back together.

Her last boyfriend was extremely violent and controlling. As soon as she told me, I immediately asked if he had any female friends. As expected, she said no – he didn’t have any friends at all. I explained that if a woman goes out with a man who doesn’t have female friends, he will definitely be extremely violent and controlling. I know what men are like.

She told me not to confront him because he will win any fight. He didn’t want her to have any friends, he took her phone more than once (all standard behaviour for men with no female friends).

So now I am dealing with this individual with extreme paranoid beliefs about women’s freedom. I don’t have any paranoid beliefs myself. He is exactly the same as my social worker who is way too paranoid to have had any female friends in his life. My psychiatrist wouldn’t be allowed by her husband to mix with male friends. I have to suffer as a result.

The paranoid delusions in my life are not mine but my social worker’s beliefs. I allow (and encourage) my girlfriend to have male friends. I speak out against oppressive relationships. He deeply feels the need to control me and stop me speaking. I realise now that it’s my liberal views on women that cause my situation with the health service.

I know from my girlfriend that all the women on here would need permission from their boyfriends and husbands to speak to me, which their partner won’t give. The only women to answer this thread will be single.

I say to you women on here that you should all be free to have male friends and my diagnosis of schizophrenia (as if I am paranoid) is meant to stop me from establishing it on here.

I will get my girlfriend to come to an appointment with the psychiatrist and that will solve it.

I’m uncertain what you are trying to defend by this post.

I think I remember your old post.

As long as women can are allowed by their partners to have male friends, I am happy. This is not the case when they have a boyfriend (other than me).

Your theory of violent males not having female friends doesn’t make anysense. Criminals can have female criminals friends and they are violent.
There is many cases of violence towards women from males who have female friends.

That’s fair however I believe that a lack of female friends is a significant risk factor. Thanks.

Sorry but what do you mean by “she’s pretty enough” that’s pretty shallow tbh

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ok, I think what you are getting at is that YOU want to have female friends too, and if you allow this dating/sleeping together relationship female to continue to have male friends, then you can too!

I have male artists friends, and of course plenty online,
none of which I’ve ever slept with.
If I sense online, this guy wants something more, or wants to play around, I tell Phil immediately, then he does the typical, blames me,
and tells me to block him.

I don’t think my boyfriend has female friends that I know of and he doesn’t want me to be friends with my x and said he will break up with me if I have contact with any of my x.

I love my x and believe we are like best friends in spirit.

I sent my x a gift because I wanted to make him happy, thinks he deserves it and hold him high.

My x was the best boyfriend I had had but we were not sexually compatible perhaps as we hardly had sex.

My current boyfriend is the best sex I ever had but he has a hell temper, wants to control who I am “aloud” to have contact with, accused me of cheating often, has called me fat stomach etc

My x boyfriend had female friends.
I was not jealous of them.
His best female friend knitted me socks and gave me a ring.
I was a bit uncomfortable around her because of her nature but liked her anyway.

I used to have heaps of male friends and back then my boyfriend had to accept it.

Now I lost friends due to schizophrenia so don’t have any in person but believe I have in spirit.

Seems like you are good to your girl friend.
Good for her and good for you.

I am aware to be cautious of some things with my boyfriend.

I take the bad with the good.
He has a lot of good.
He can be so kind and generous and funny and having sex with him puts me in extacy but his badness is a worry and not ok to treat me like that but I behave as if it is ok to keep the peace n sometimes it’s better to smile and be quiet than start a fight.
He accepts me with all my diseases and as a vegan on the pension who doesn’t work so that’s worth a lot too.

What I mean is that if she wasn’t then a relationship isn’t physically possible for me. Even though I might emotionally love her it wouldn’t be physically possible for me.

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My husband doesn’t allow me to do anything. I allow myself because he isn’t my keeper nor me his.


That’s the relationship I have with my girlfriend. I am pleased to hear it! I just wish my social worker was the same as me and your husband.

Then it’s time to report him and get a new worker.

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