Girlfriends and their guy friends help

Lounge
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Hi again,

I have a girlfriend who knows I’m sick.
She notices when I’m hearing a lot of voices.
She notices when I’m interacting with the voices and when I’m not with her or where I should be.
She notice when I’m fighting agains my hallucinations and delusions.
She notice when I have bad days.
She knows I’m working hard at my job everyday and is there for me.
She always takes care of me and is caring and understanding.
She even buys me limited amount of alcoholic free beer and don’t want me to drink alcohol to avoid my voices. I drink very rarely.

We recently moved together and have a good life together. I love waking up to her and sleeping next to her. I love being with her. Have tea with her and just share life together. I love to talk to her and make her smile.

One thing I don’t like is that she does think it’s okay to have guy friends she can go out with and go to training with. She is not mentally ill, but I’m very concerned about losing her all the time. I’m not able to understand why she wants to have guy friends. She said it’s nothing and I should not worry but it is hurting me a lot. She once wanted to sleep over at one of her guy place and I refused and was very angry. This was because I was away. We did not have our own place when her friends were visiting. She is still training with her guy friend. She used to talk good about him and his business many times until I got angry and told her. She always defend her guy friends and their motives. I’m hurt because she is training with him even though she want me to train with them too. It feels like she cares about them. By mistake she said they emotionally have supported her in bad times before I met her but then she said she never said that.

It feels like girls want to test the limit of their boyfriend. How much she can get away with. How kind he is. Maybe it’s a cultural thing to some girls to have guy friends. Sleep overs and trips…

Another guy is her ex. She talk to him as a friend which sounds good but hurts me. I think he knows her more and understand her. We met him together too. He has children and a wife just like the guy she is training with. He seems like a nice guy, like they all do in front of her. She is the only one I have but I feel like I’m not because of her guy friends so I started going to events and friend other women friends, but she got furious and mad at me so I stopped and she continued.

I would like to skip the story about other guys she is in contact with that come up in between while I’m ignoring being overreacting according to her.

And yes, I do not believe a woman can be friend with a guy in the long term. I have tried to read online about this and they all lead agains my way of thinking.

My friends agree that when having a girlfriend she should not include her guy friends in our life’s at all. But when I asked one other friend who said it was absolutely fine for his girlfriend to sleep over and have wine nights outside with the guys who are so dam friendly to his girlfriend.

I believe everyone should be free doing what ever they want. I also believe we should trust our partner, but it’s annoying me, that’s all!

I want my girlfriend to be free and to feel trusted and loved. I think more about how to make her happy than thinking about myself.

I would like a peace of mind.

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I wouldn’t know man, i’ve never had that particular problem, i have like ninety nine problems but that isn’t one of them.

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I have guy friends, and one of my exes had a huge problem with that. I’ve always felt it way easier to connect with guys than girls, and when my ex got jealous, it really hurt my trust in him.
I do believe that girls and guys can be friends without any of them having a motive behind it.

I can’t tell you what to do, but in my opinion, your relationship would be stronger if you allowed your girlfriend to have guy friends in her life as much as girl friends.
I remember how horrible it felt, not being able to share news about my guy friends with my at-the-time boyfriend, for fear that he’d flip out or accuse me of cheating. When you force someone to keep things from you out of fear of your reaction, I often find they start doing just that - keeping things from you.

Again, I’m not trying to scare you, point fingers, nor tell you what to do. But if you want there to be trust and openness in your relationship, you should try to remember that the insecurity is YOURS. YOU’RE the one who’s afraid of losing HER. You’re the one who has an issue that needs to be worked on, and it can’t be solved by limiting her contact with her friends, (in other words, punishing HER for YOUR problem) that’ll only make things uncomfortable for the both of you in the long run, in my experience.

Anyways, that’s my two cents. I’m sorry if it sounded harsh, it’s not meant that way. Good luck, I hope things work out :slight_smile:

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Thanks a lot for your reply. It helped a lot.
I feel she already keeps a lot away from me regarding her guyfriends. I’m being myself and want to change my way but still find it difficult to understand. It bothers me that she does not tell me anymore about them or what is happening because I start to suspect more.

Why is she with me? If a guy is married and have kids why do he send her messages telling her he is depressed or share a room with her when traveling? He is married!! worst thing is it’s okay with her when I ask her about it.

Yes I agree it’s my problem, maybe I should care less. It really angers and hurts inside.

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It seems a little hypocritical of your girlfriend to want you to accept her male friends but then for her to get upset if you have female friends. :confused:

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dude, you’re lucky. I would definitely want a partner regardless of my partner’s power to make many friends.

friends are quite good to have, especially if my partner would need them. :slight_smile:

I wanted to give you 2 Likes for that. :laughing:

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That is a difficult problem. You love her, so you don’t want to upset her or drive her away. But she’s not being exactly fair with this hypocrisy of opposite gender friends. It sounds like you are doing everything you can. How long have you been with her? This is what couples counseling is for.

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I understand that could feel difficult specially when it isnt working both ways.

When things are so good between you otherwise.

Is there a way you can make yourself not worry about these men?
Can you ask why you cant have female friends but she can have male friends?
That it isnt working both ways.

I would not be over joyed if my bf was going out like that with woman but that they are married might make it easier as they may be less likely to cheat.

Just be honest with her and yourself.

Can you accept it and what action can you take and can you make a deal with each other about it?

I used to be best friends with my x bf and new bf accepted it but we did not meet often anymore then and i never had a bf with lots of female friends or even one they met regularely so i did not have to experience such.

I had a bf who had nude pic of girl up on his wall and i hated it.
I thought it was so disrespectful to me and worse is when we were having sex he was looking at it and not at me.
I was told my new bf has pics of woman up in his place and we have spoken of moving in together but i have never been there and if so it would be me moving in with him so i cant complain or make change because its his place which means i dont get much of a say even if i move in.

I also dont like people having sex in front of me.I think its rude n disrespectful even if they get turned on by it. I dont like it n im not ok with it.
Dont think ive been overly keen on watching pornos ever either. I did it couple times in my life only when a bf made me.
One of my voices i had years ago used to be moaning woman and cheating going on etc.

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I appreciate your reply,

I think I just have to let her do what ever she wants and accept it.

I give her my full attention and love her dearly. I never look at other women even while we do anything together, like kiss…etc

I just have to be less jealous. Or simply do not care.

Some woman like to be surrounded by men, I never will understand this.

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I have been together with her for two years now.

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:slight_smile: things could be better though

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personally, I keep some guys I meet as friends,

but the moment I would sleep with him,
the friendship is gone

and usually I never speak to him again.

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It is very hypocritical of her to have guy friends and when you try to have female friends, she gets upset.
There is something very wrong with this picture.

In my opinion it’s not a good idea for her to remain close friends with her ex.

My ex wife remained close friends with her ex, she ended up cheating on me with him.

Not saying that bad things will happen to you but remain cautious.

If you are not ok with the hypocrisy that has been bestowed upon you by your girlfriend then I would have a long and open talk with her about it.

Couples counseling is a good idea.

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the reason why I don’t remain friends
with a guy I’ve had a relationship with
or been intimate with
is it’s not fair to the next people we date.
I’m all about letting go, though.

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I see that there are a lot of different opinions from different people. Some people think it is actually okay to be friends with your ex some think it’s not. The same way about guy friends and such.

I simply have to tolerate the pain and trust her. Absolutely my problem, because it’s me who feels that way.

I want to know how can a girl pick a guy friend? Why this guy and not the other guy. What is so special about this particular guy. Why contact him why ask him to go out and not other guys. How do they pick?

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You’re worried about losing your GF and that’s understandable. Maybe you should tell her you’re worried about losing her.