New, and very scared

Not really sure where to start, my thoughts are very jumbled right now.
I’m Zambi, and I’m 25. My mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia before I was born, so me turning out schizo has always been a fear in the back of my mind.
I was diagnosed with schizo-affective disorder 4 years ago, denied it, and I think it’s gotten worse since then. I have an appointment in 2 weeks, but I don’t know how long I can take this, I feel like I’ll be worse by the time I see the Dr. I’ve been going in and out of being depressed and like panicking that I’m going to loose my mind and my life, and it’s causing a lot of problems with my boyfriend, and it’s already caused me to loose all of the friends I used to have.
I was wondering if anyone had any tips? I can’t seem to be able to talk to people who don’t understand me. I feel like they should understand me, and I end up in a panic attack and lashing out because I can’t figure out what to say to make them think I’m “normal.”

When my family notice there is something going wrong with me they took me to ER where i was given risperdal for 1 weeks supply and i was sent to mental clinic where i was registered and given treatment. Maybe you should go to hospital there, and tell them that your condition is getting worse.

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Thanks sooo much for replying…
But I’m terrified of being without cigarettes… And the treatment facilities the hospital would send me to I’ve been to before, and I distrust completely…
I just kind of want to know it gets better. Or that I will find some way of dealing with this?

I suggest going to ER if you even think it’s headed to crisis level. Doesn’t take long after you notice the signs for things to hit the fan.

I hate the hospital too, but I go when needed. They usually have patches for smoking…kinda sucks still. For me, sometimes it’s better, sometimes it is worse. Lately I’ve been trying to find ways to channel my unusual mind into something positive like getting back into art.

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thanks for your reply too :slight_smile:
I feel like I can keep it from crisis level if I can find something to occupy my insanity until I get to the psychiatrist. Art is a huge interest of mine also, and I’ve been trying to get back into playing guitar. Though I can’t seem to get past a couple minutes of the activity without thinking there’s no point in it… Though I like it a lot cuz I can’t think while I do it… How are you finding ways of getting back into art?

Try fingerpainting. You don’t have to make details, you just paint your emotions on paper using your hands. It might help. I usually do clay when I get depressed, feeling the clay in my hands makes me calm and focused. I “forget” about the depression for a while.

I get in and out of it. Lately have been getting encouragement from the VA. They also take me on outings once a week to scenic places and suggest I do photos.

Lately too, I have gotten back into art by staying offline more and less TV.

Hi Zambie, I’m the mother of someone with paranoid schizophrenia. You will find a lot of support on this forum. You are not alone. I would like to suggest something. I don’t think you need to convince people that you are “normal.” Personally I don’t think “normal” exists. It’s ok to be you. I’m not saying that you need to tell everyone everything just maybe not try so hard to act differently. If you have trouble talking then you could try writing down what you would like to say. I know that going to the ER can be scary and overwhelming. My son has had some bad and some good experiences with this. During my son’s last admission I got him a couple of different types of notebooks and different colors and types of pens. I think it helped him a lot to get his thoughts out on paper and to draw pictures.