Never loved

I truly believe that no one loves me/no one cares about me. I have a journal I wrote in for school from second grade and in it I wrote that I wished someone cared about me…so I was eight then. And it’s a reoccurring theme throughout my life. It’s been true in some cases, like my first marriage, but probably not true in others, like my current marriage. But it feels true. I don’t know what I do that makes people disregard me and say mean things. My husband’s not a mean person but he disregards me…I don’t think it’s just my perception. But is this a sort of paranoia? Does it have anything to do with sz?

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I think you have to learn to love yourself first. This will give you the ability to give and to accept love more freely.

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im kinda numb just now… i am currently having a creative block too. but i feel un loved too @Hedgehog

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I was only eight when I apparently first believed no one cared. I agree with you, @Patrick, but I don’t know how to change it. I don’t know what the point is if people closest to me don’t care…I’m not trying to throw a pity party. I really just wondered if this was in any way an aspect of sz? Thanks for your reply.

I’m sorry. Such a crappy feeling. It’s super lonely… I hope you come out of it soon, @HuckFinn :heart:

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I used to think I must have done something very bad to be cursed so.
I used to cry out why me?

But my current theory is that God loved us so much he died for us. And that the bad sz stuff comes from the devil.

You remember in the bible Jesus used to cast out demons. I think maybe those poor people had sz and Jesus would sent the demon out of them that was driving them crazy.

So I think God does all the good stuff and demons tempt people to do bad stuff which is why there are wars and killing and stuff.

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I agree with you. I went through an exorcism when I was about 21 or so. I felt the demon leave me, out under my skin and up out of the top of my head. But I still have sz.
Sometimes I think that I miss God so much since being on this planet that no other love will even feel like love as compared to God’s love. Compared to God, no one does care or love me.

Do you think that part of this could be from schizophrenia becuase I feel the same way also.

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No I don’t think human people are possible of loving like God can.

We may find bits of love in this life, but it will never be perfect.

You went through a real exorcism? Wow I thought they were pretty rare.

I have delusions about demons I think sometimes so I don’t want to upset anymore but I think they are real. If I take more meds then I don’t worry about it so much.

I don’t want to feed anyone else’s delusions. But demons are Biblical, like you said. I did go through an exorcism and it was an intense experience. I did feel something slithering under my skin upwards and slide out of the top of my head. Really. But, part of my point is that I still have schizophrenia. It’s seperate, it runs in my family, it’s seperate from my faith, and it makes me miserable, disfunctional and disabled…

I haven’t read anything regarding feeling unloved, etc. Maybe it’s just a consequence of sz rather than an actual feature?

O sorry Hedgehog you aren’t feeling well. Is there anything special going on?

Yes I think sz can just be a genetic chemical thing too.
Somehow Sz can get very bad, the police took me to ER just 3 weeks ago.
But I think it’s God that makes a miracle so that I can get my mind back only 3 weeks later.

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I’m glad you have faith! I do too. God has been very good to me :heart:️ Yes, I have some stress right now, but this is a pattern for me regardless. I’ll be ok. Thank you :blush:

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I mean thinking that I have experienced Gods love and like you said nothing compares.

I do feel loved by given disability payments but if somthing goes wrong with that then I am afraid of what I would feel.

I agree my Dad wants me to overcome it starting with faith healers, religous practice, discapline. but I think deep down it is a real medical condition.

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So far things are working out also. could be alot better and could be a lot worse.

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I get these patterns too. Same thing happens again and again like I never learn.

I’m trying to change things. I’ve been able to work but now it’s just getting too stressful or I just don’t handle it well.

So I’m changing the pattern by working less. Yes I’ll make less money so we have to spend less. I think my husband is finally understanding that it may kill me if he doesn’t quit his spending credit card addiction.

So maybe there is hope for the future.
My 23 year old son finally got a good job so I can quit paying his rent. :blush::ok_hand:

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I have the persistent feeling that nobody wants me. This feeling is not a symptom of SZ, it is a result of being too old to matter to anyone. I have to reach out if I want attention. Even then, I usually don’t get it. I have had this feeling for a number of years. It’s getting worse. I enjoy being alone. It’s a learned behavior. But this is ridiculous. No job. No one as a friend. Nowhere to go in the morning. No life to speak of. Maybe it’s the lack of an executive function that’s doing it. Maybe it’s just the indifference of the world…

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I love you @Hedgehog :smile:

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Being schizophrenic creates a strong bond between you and other sz’s. We care about you. As for romantic love - I’m starting to believe that is a hoax.

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