Neighbor knocks on the door - what do i do

So I thought I was doing OK, but today, very suddenly, the neighbor knocks on the door and i get super super superscared. It was very loud. I did not open. I went to the middle of the house to hide. I regretted the door wasnt locked. He is sitting on his porch across the street and I am very very scared.

How to work this off? I feel like i cannot water the plants on my porch in case he comes out. I can maybe do it in the middle of the night really quickly. I have no idea what he wants. It feels like if he comes over and catches me when im leaving/coming home/ watering plants i will … Die? I dont know how exactly but thats how it feels. I am feeling sick and cannot breathe fully.
I have spoken to him once before an he was nice and helpful. My partner has spoken to him too.

I am also afraid that if i dont die from him talking to me i will say stuff that has no meaning, to get the conversation over with and get back into safety. And that he will think im rude. I think thats the best potential outcome. And thats bad. Because he will still be my neighbor - but think im rude.

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Answer the door in war paint holding raw meat…this keeps the johova sp witnesses away its sure to work on neighbors

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This is exactly me, I could have written this. I hide behind a curtain and watch until they leave. Instant panic. Same with the phone ringing sometimes. I don’t know what to tell you about it, but you are definitely not alone.

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Thank you for responding! It is helpful. I don’t even have a phone. I would not answer.
My guess is that I have to pick this completely apart and understand that my fear of the neighbor is not rooted in reality. I can see that I need to do -something - about this. But when it happens it just makes me want to run as far away as I can and I actually feel like I am going to die.

It’s close to the reaction I would have if the neighbor was like in my bedroom while I was sleeping. Completely invaded and scared for my life.

Anyone who has managed to fix issues like this?

I don’t know your whole history between you and your neighbor but if you have not done anything to him or bothered him than I highly doubt that he means you any harm.

Who knows why he knocked on your door? Maybe he wanted to borrow an egg because he ran out while he was making sugar cookies. It could have been something as innocuous as that. Maybe he got your mail by mistake and he was giving it back. It happens. You said he was nice and helpful. it doesn’t sound like someone who means you any harm.

But your fear of coming off as rude is a valid fear. But he may be a nice guy but if you get in a conversation with him, there is no need to get in some in-depth, personal, revealing deep conversation with him. All you owe him is the bare minimum. A friendly"hello" or a discussion about the weather. I don’t want to steer you wrong, but there ways to steer or control.a conversation so it doesn’t get too personal or uncomfortable.
Hell, use him as golden opportunity a way to practice your social skills! I know it’s easy for me to say, right? I’m very shy myself, but I talk well to lots of people. I’m a work in progress. Or as some people would say to me I guess, “You’re a real piece of work, buddy.”

But I understand your fear. I know that you realize on some level that you are not going to die from talking to your neighbor. Most neighbors do not want trouble. They just want to get along with their neighbors and co-exist peacefully. They just want to raise their kids, have pool parties or barbecues and live their lives without anybody bothering them. Anyway, I hope this helps. Good luck.


Thank you. You are right things get mixed up. Me coming off as rude is a valid fear, but me still being scared when looking at the front door of my house is over the top and pain for no good reason.
On one level I am not only OK with neighbors, I actually want them, I do not want to live alone in the forest.

You are right that he doesn’t want too much either. Most likely something very small and normal. It feels though, as if he knocks on the door to talk and force me to make eye contact so he can steal my thoughts.

I am trying to spell it out so it sounds ridiculous and that I can easier let it go. I know people can not steal my thoughts through eye contact, but my instincts tells me to keep my eyes away, like you instinctively step away from a snake.

You answer the door is the quickest way to find out what he wants. When you don’t answer it it will start a domino effect that will cause him to either knock more at your door, or find you a bit rude(?) or he might probably think you don’t like him.
Either way, you’re making a simple problem very unnecessarily complicated that ends up making all involved uncomfortable, so answer the door!
Next time he knocks, don’t think beforehand, just rip open the door before your mind wanders into dangerous territories.

I’m really one to act all brave and strong, I do the same thing when someone knocks at my door- I run and hide until they go away.
Guess I want you to try what I think I should do, but can’t.
Not very nice I know…but I don’t mean to be mean.

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Oh Man, someone knocking at my door would amp up my Anxiety big time.

I dont have a fix for you, other than maybe getting a med adjustment - I dont know.

I am always on the verge of freaking out - My Anxiety/Fears/Phobias/Paranoia and OCD are a real issue for me - I can barely function, and the problem is that the meds for Anxiety are not so effective.

Which meds are you on? Sometimes the meds that we take, like certain Antipsychotics make us more anxious and fearful.

I really feel that Risperdal is contributing to my Anxiety - it does not help quell down the anxiety, but amps it up so it seems.

I am tired of living in constant fear, something has to be done - If my pdoc cannot fix the problem then I really dont know what to do any more - talk therapy barely helps.

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I have a sign I keep putting on my front door and that Mrs. Pixel keeps removing:

“Visitors only by appointment. Phone PLZ-GET-LOST to book an appointment.”

People showing up unannounced makes me crazy.


Thank you - everyone. This is very helpful. I think i will try the technique of tearing the door open (it does feel completely absurd on one hand, but then IT IS WHAT MOST PEOPLE DO! )

The problem is that it is hard to - work up to that. So progress would look like hiding-hiding-hiding-answering and talking - fully. No halfway. Opening and immediately shutting the door onto the neighbors face does not count as ‘half success’. Haha.

Btw the sign sounds funny but I need to be liked by my neighbors as this is a place where people help and look out for each other. But if i lived somewhere else ai would have had the same approach!