So, I’m feeling really guilty right now. Not sz related, but is in a way. I have a lot of health conditions and stubbornly, possibly selfishly, I decided to go forward with having a biological child.
This morning Little LED had what appeared to be an erythromelalgia flare (very very painful burning that can cause blistering in the extremities) in her feet. She was in considerable pain and even though I knew exactly what it was and what to do, I felt so guilty and helpless.
What if this happens with my dysautonomias? Or, worse yet, what if she gets sz?
When I decided to Forest trying to have a baby I was only diagnosed with psychotic depression that I have even had symptoms of for about 5 years prior. I had health problems, but I was young and invincible and didn’t really even consider that they were hereditary because no one else in my family had any of them.
But then it took me years and years and miscarriage after miscarriage and fertility treatments and doctor referral after doctor referral and relocating for better care and I just got so stubborn. I never stopped to think maybe enough is enough. Maybe now that my health is worse I shouldn’t continue to try to have a biological child.
I don’t know. I’m feeling very guilty right now. Like I’m selfish and a shitty parent for passing on my health problems. Little LED deserves better.
Can I get some hugs? Or advice? Or anything? I’m feeling really down today about all this.
you’re not being selfish…my ex wife had a son biologically and he is successful and non sz. I wish I had had kids…don’t be so hard on yourself…you’re a good mommy.
I’m grateful to exist, despite this illness. I’ve told my mother that. I would rather be here, alive with sz, than have never been born. I’d like to think if I ever have a child, and they’re strong like me, they’ll feel the same way.
Please don’t feel guilty for passing on genetic traits, there’s nothing wrong with having a biological child. Plus, the child has two parents, which means only half of little LED’s genetics have your issues. I’m sure things will work out. From what I’ve seen on the forum you’re a great mom. I hope you find your way to a better place soon.
Having a kid is such an accomplishment. I hope I can get there one day, but it seems a long way off. You should be proud of yourself for getting that far in life. Little LED will make you very proud someday!
My mother shared a similar guilt that you are feeling, she never wanted to have children especially a sick one. After years of her loving me I will always prefer existing and be by her and experience life no matter the hardships I go through. So my point is your child will prefer a life existing by your side than a life of not existing. Nothing is a promise not even the bad stuff. So I hope this helped sorry if I got off track.
I always get a little upset when people ask me “would you have kids knowing you could pass on your condition?”
To me that’s like saying “is your condition so bad that you’d rather not exist?” I dont believe that it is. There are very very VERY few conditions on Earth that would make me feel like itd be better to not exist.
Hey @LED, you’re an awesome mom. You’re one of the regulars I follow because I think you’re on the ball and a good example for me in my own life. You’ve got nothing to apologize for.
I don’t know. Chronic pain really decreases quality of life, even with the best treatments. I’ve been in some really dark places because of it. I don’t know. Maybe I just need sleep, but I’m feeling like maybe it’s not worth it. I’m getting really depressed over all this.
Thanks, @anon82948922. That means a lot. I think I’m just letting anxiety get there better of me tonight. Knowing how much pain and how debilitating this condition can be, I’m just so scared for her. I know I’m dwelling and catastrophizing and making this all way worse for myself tonight.
Why oh why did I think reaching out to my mother was a good idea. 🤦:face_with_symbols_over_mouth: I swear I never learn.
First of all, she didn’t even realize she was talking to me. She thought I was my sister, her favorite kid.
I asked “How do you not feel guilty when your child develops a health condition you passed on to them? ”
She responded “Imagine (me) and (my partner’s) guilt knowing that both of them carry the gene and what they could give (Little LED).”
Like, in what world is that helpful?!?!
I went silent after that and it took her like 3 hours to finally come back and apologize for not realizing it was me and not meaning to imply I was responsible for any of my children’s health problems.
@LED I have five kids and there is not a day go by that I don’t worry about their health or that they will go through the issues that I have. Ultimately I am so happy to have them in my life. They have made me a better person. My consolation is that if they do inherit my illness I will know what signs to look for in case they do. They will get faster help because I am educated about all the things that are wrong with me.
If you love your children and take care of them in the best way you can, then you are a wonderful mom. Don’t compare yourself to other moms because no one has the same life experiences as you. Be strong and love your family. When she grows up she will know that you gave her everything she needed.
Same. You gave your kid a chance at life. She might have a similar life to yours. That wouldn’t be bad. You have a lot of love in your life. She might have a life nothing like yours. You can’t predict the future. You can just raise her with coping skills.
If she does inherit your conditions, she won’t go as long as you did without treatment. Because you’ll recognize the symptoms and get her help right away.
I swear I never learn.
