I don’t know where I am headed. I know what my dream is, I want to work at one of the video game studios in my city. It seems the only place where I can get low-cost training I already went through and failed twice. I feel like a total failure…
I got really fat, some of my t-shirts don’t really fit anymore and my belly just hangs at the waist. It seems all the motivation I’ve had in the past to keep fit has gone out of the window due to total regression.
I just fit the typical schizo profile now. Smoke a lot of cigarettes, always home hanging out between my bed and the computer, taking a shower every other day.
I’m scared of my neighbor, he’s had flare-outs with me in the past and it seems when he’s home he’s content to make thumping noises in my wall, which is really bothersome and makes me nervous.
Are you taking your medicines regularly? I would suggest go for a small walk everyday. Maybe in the evening but if you are an early riser then do it in the morning.
Don’t be disheartened on failing exam. Try again with more preparation and you’d ace it We only have two options. We either fail or pass…Next time you’d pass just be a little more dedicated than before.
Quit smoking. It’s not gonna bring any good to you. After knowing how many do you smoke in a day, start reducing the number. In order to lose weight don’t force your body to starvation mode. Eat healthy whenever you feel like eating.
Yes I am taking my medicine regularly. I have Invega injection every 4 weeks that I never miss and Seroquel XR at supper time. The Seroquel XR makes me really tired in the mornings that’s why it’s hard to get out of bed.
The problem with the courses was that even though I failed some of the exams, I could have pushed further but instead I decided to drop out. I won’t make the same mistake twice though.
It’s hard to go for a walk as it is really cold here this time of the year. I am trying to gather motivation to head to the gym in the mornings though. Next grocery I’ll buy healthier stuff…
I don’t have much left in terms of pleasure in my life, and cigarettes help me pass the time, I already quit pot 6 months ago, but it’s really hard to ignore my cravings for smokes. Quitting smoking isn’t really high on my list of priorities at the moment.
Thanks for the message and words of encouragement!!
I don’t really hear any voices anymore. People are talking loud outside my window all the time but since it’s super cold outside it has calmed their fervor. Since I quit drugs I haven’t had many delusions and the paranoia has somewhat subsided, I still get a lingering feeling of worry but it isn’t as bad as before.
Where I’m having real issues is with negative symptoms. Basically no willpower to do anything constructive, not wanting to socialize, having difficulties forming bonds etc.
I’m just making an assumption but I think your gonna be fine dude, give a little more time to get over the worry, just don’t turn back to drugs. The negative effects could be brought on by your meds. I was on respiridone and didn’t have an interest in doing ■■■■ until I got it down to 2 mg. now I’m carrying on for hours talking on this site.
That’s cool man, double whammy, those are some good drugs. I was on invega for a long time. Took it orally though, I wouldn’t have been able to relate to the dosage.
Well dude don’t be to hard on yourself. Life goes on. Only you know how recovered and capable you are. Eventually part of recovery is taking on life’s challenges. The real ones that everybody has to go through.
What part of game development did you want to get into art programming dev management?
Good question. I started studies in Level Design. Wasn’t able to finish them. Twice. At this point even if I could enter as a QA tester I’d take the job and move up form there. If I could be a Concept Artist it would be cool too, but I only have an older version of Photoshop to practice on and truthfully I don’t think I’m that talented. All this to tell you that a job in this field would be my way out of dependency on my parents. I could be a modeler too.
Also, I think you’re doing pretty well yourself, you are younger than me and you understand the importance of remaining sober and taking your pills. I envy the fact that you have the latest-generation consoles, that’s pretty cool, I wish I had an Xbox One but not ready to buy it yet…
Here’s a sample of my concept art and 3D modeling:
Give yourself some credit for being treatment compliant. Maybe you could work with your pdoc on the med’s. Abilify is one drug that motivated me. A word of warning, a lot of people, myself included, found that this drugs amps them up a little too much. I actually got an increase in physical strength when I started taking Abilify. You might consider it, though. I think going for a walk is a good idea. You might treat yourself to a movie, or eat out or something. Try to find a way to change your routine. Don’t worry. Things will get better.
I feel a bit the same, my diet is so terrible due to the neg symptoms I just don’t care no motivation to eat healthy ,then I also just sleep a ton . I still go mtn biking though although it takes a bit of convincing myself it will be worth doing and it always is
New consoles aren’t worth it yet. I guess dragon age origins is probably pretty sweet but I don’t really like linear gameplay. Still looking forward to halo 5 the beta was alright. Limited number of maps though.
You do what you can, I thought video game design was one of my potential career paths for a while. Used to have some ideas haven’t really thought about them in a while.
I get caught up in trying to create a better virtual space for simulations, video games seem so limited. Things aren’t solid. Just polygon shells, no real weight, just animations no real force or collision detection. I think that in the next couple decades were gonna see some really improved rendering mechanics.
Anyways never let go of the interest of you have it. Even if it just gives you something to ponder about or read about.
Wish the best for you man. Sz sucks, will be here if you ever want to chat.
Thanks crimby, I always thought that you were bringing a positive outlook on this illness and I’ve been fond of your posts.
Do you know if Abilify comes in depot form? I’d rather get the injection as to not worry about missing a dose, it’s easier for me and allows me to visit the clinic once a month to get out of the house. I think my pdoc thinks I’m doing fine on the meds I’m on so I don’t know if he’ll change them.
I’m looking forward to the release of the Oculus Rift, I can see myself laying bed with the device on just visiting a night club or something with virtual people over the internet. I don’t play as much games as I used too either. I think there has been a good number of innovations but the focus is always on graphics.
There is also a trend in video games where you are not given full control of your avatar at the beginning of your adventure, instead you unlock more powers and abilities as you progress, I think you should have the full scope of the game in your hands right at the beginning and rely on gameplay to make it a cool experience.
I hope you figure out what you want to do in life Bryan, you’re obviously very smart (as I’ve read some of your posts pondering existence) and I think you will do okay in the long run. It’s good to have some people with a good sense of ethics to share their experience and give you a boost of motivation, and for that I must thank you again!
I almost bought the developer kit but I realised I need a really serious gaming computer to run it without lagging. I might wait for project morpheus for ps4
I’d have bought it if I had the moniez lol, and probably would have been stuck with it since I wasn’t aware you need a beast of a computer to use it. I’ve looked at some of the apps readily available for the Oculus Rift and some seem really fun like a virtual cinema to check out movies but the one that really caught my eye (and was the most popular) is a simulation of the afterlife…
We only have two options. We either fail or pass…Next time you’d pass just be a little more dedicated than before.
