Unfortunately I’m finding myself bored thoughtless and depressed. This is still better than the hallucinations.
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Well now I’m conflicted on whether or not to like this post :<
Have you tried becoming a part of any activities or groups or whatever? It sounds like you need some more fun things in your life. Doing nothing all day isn’t living it’s…existing. Anyone would be depressed 
You have to give yourself some sort of purpose. Hope things liven up for you!
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Yeah. Your right. I’ve been drinking a lot. It’s about all there is to do. Probably means I’m not trying hard enough.
Anyways…
The last time I was hanging out with my friends. One of them chimed in “you know we don’t really care about you.” That alone I think is what is getting me down. Just kind of set in over the last couple of days. I’m not gonna bother with those peeps any more.
I’ve still got one other place to hang out in this town.
I’m kind of losing it right now… Not in a psychotic sense I’ve just got no hope. I never thought I’d wind up in a depression, but it’s difficult for me to even communicate or maintain a train of thought. Only half way out of the psychotic reality as well. It’s a tough spot bouncing back and forth.
This is just one leg of the journey. I thought I’d make me happy to have some times of normalcy but my mind is wrecked. It took to long, I’m worn out.
Guess I’ll stop typing.
Thanks for the input though.
Hey that’s nasty. I’m just telling you, that’s not something a friend would say. Sounds to me like you need a change of social scenery.
Remember that alcohol is a temporary solution. It’s not going to fix anything. If you want to get yourself out of this slump, dump the booze is my advice. Nothing’s worse for pushing someone farther into depression than a night full of self-pity alone with a bottle.
I think you’ve made awesome progress with your sz, and now you just need some direction again. You got through the worst of it!! Now it’s time for you to move on and start fresh. Are you able to work? What hobbies do you have?
I’m serious on how important it is to give yourself activity. I hope to continue to hear stories of improvement from you, you seem to be a smart guy and I’m sure you can pull through this! 
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people are idiots.
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Yeah, i thought I was finding genuine interest in things again. It lasted for a few days. Got all caught up on windows 10, virtual reality, graphics cards, processors, pricing of things… Ran out of stuff to read.
All I can do is spend money consuming ■■■■ I don’t need. That’s how I spend my days.
After about a week of that got bored again and decided to drink. Was fun for a few nights. Not heavy drinking. I was with friends also.
Really I’ve only got one spot aside from my house where I feel like I belong. It’s my brothers place he’s got a few roomates that I get along with. One of whom is my cousin. Those guys respect me at least. Knew me before I got sick…
So did my other friends… I don’t really know what happened there.
I feel like hiding in my house for a week. I know that feeling will change tomorrow. The alcohol, the coffee, waste of time and money.
There is very little recreation in my town. Last year we ranked #1 in towns known for binge drinking in some study someone did.
Fit right in before I got sick.
Idk, before I got sick id smoke weed drink alcohol and work my ass off. Never really had any hobbies aside from video games and science.
If I had to I could work at this point, it wouldn’t be easy. But I don’t want to go back to fast food or delivery driving or any of the jobs I could actually get.
Those were the environments that drove me to being a psychotic mess, it could be pretty hazardous for me.
Gotta give it a few more months. I can go up to an hour without a hallucination but that’s not good enough. When they start back up its hard to snap out of. The influences are so subtle that it’s difficult to really keep track of what I’m doing right and what I’m doing wrong. Some moments it seems clear and then I lose it.
Nobody really understands it. Totally alone in my experience. Constantly working to reshape myself and get my mind working again.
I know they can’t hear my thoughts and the messages I get are just the expectations that I hold in the psychosis being sustained like it’s real. I know I’m 100% safe and these people aren’t capable of dual communications.
They’re all having the experience I’m seeking. Which is cool but also gets to me. Jealousy I guess. A life in the real world.
… Their are only a few people who care to check up on me. 98% of the time it feels like no one cares. Then my “friend” says that to me.
Can’t forget the people who do care. But that only amounts to the odd text message every once in a while.
I do talk with my mom every day, but I’m falling on a total lack of words or anything to talk about. Today she asks “do you even know what you’re thinking about right now?” I had been blankly staring off all day. I was thinking at that particular moment though, but she asked like she was thinking I was losing my mind. She’s said other things in the past that made me wish I wasn’t so close to her. After two years I’ve just got nothing to say. She really doesn’t have much to say either.
Other than that I’ve got one buddy that’ll text me every other day or so. An old friend.
Not much of a social life.
I go back and forth between being totally pleased to disappointed with this forum depending on what’s going on. Stupid thing to be dependent on, but I’ve got so much down time I might as well follow along.
It’s a very limited form of friendship but it’s more positive and helpful than the real life ■■■■. These people have insight into the illness. They know the struggles.
Yeah I don’t know what to do with myself…, I know it’ll pass. Sometimes I lose sight of the fact that my life right now is centered around recovery and I am getting better.
The real difference is before I got sick I would always challenge my limitations. I would push my understandings and try to be creative. Now I just don’t, feels like I can’t, like it won’t be good enough so why waste the effort. I’ve stunted my own growth. Also quite tired of media and youtube.
The last thing I can really remember doing before I got sick was writing a few things and watching a lot of YouTube videos. That was in my off time. Oh and bioshock infinite. Tony hawk hd.
I don’t know what it is I just lack an interest in anything.
Saying all that has made me feel a little better. Kind of gave me perspective and shifted my mood.
I wish I could just shut my brain off when I wanted to sleep.
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You’ve been through a very intense period for such a long time, now it seems your illness is giving you a bit of a break and only now you have the opportunity to be tired of this intense journey. It is not uncommon to become depressive after psychosis. There is a vicious circle though, even though you may perceive it as extremely difficult, it can help to engage yourself in a routine. What about starting a part time job or studies? It might seem weird, but it is often the case that the doing comes before the motivation. Just doing stuff on autopilot can induce motivation and interest, even though it might seem the latter must come first in order to be able to do the former.
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Thanks fly bottle. I’ve just been waiting for a day that seems totally normal. And it’s not happening. Everytime I get my hopes up everything falls apart.
the key is to try and learn to cope along with symptoms. i know you find it hard to engage with the outside world but you can do it and try and ignore the mimicry that goes on in your head. it’s ■■■■…just your mind giving you impressions of other people and confirming your worst thoughts about yourself in a different identity is all. i’ve just today had the same thing with a key worker at my local day centre. out of her mouth came lovely words, in my head she was accusing me of all sorts of heinous crimes. i just ignored it and carried on engaging with her. you know i think it’s an anthropological throwback to our fear of not being accepted within our peer group. we seek affirmation from those we engage with and our fear is being an outcast in our own society and for some reason our brains produce that fear as voices in the guise of others because that’s one of our evolutionary fears. it’s pretty simple really. personally i have too much experience with voices to buy into their crap now. i don’t believe i am telepathic with anyone at all. just talking to splinter personalities is all. persecutory in nature simply because that’s the way my brain has been programmed. my voices would have me believe that everyone around me is a spy…yawn…when it’s absolute crap. my cpn, key worker, husband, neighbours…everyone but it’s absolute ■■■■. you know what i do? i just ignore the impressions and carry on talking to people simply because i know that most of the people i come across in the mental health field are deeply compassionate people who want to see me feel better. i then extend that to strangers and ost of them wouldn’t wish me harm either so i smile warmly and engage them in conversation just like i would my friends. you should do the same. yes the voices will play up and you may well get synchronistic “proof” that telepathy is real but it’s not. take my conversation with my key worker for instance. if i was of a paranoid mindset then i could swear blind that some of the things she said could be taken as “signs” that she was really a telepathic spy but i’m not paranoid at all because i’ve heard it too many times from other sources close to me whom i know cannot be telepathic so why would i believe the rest of the voices? you know your mum isn’t telepathic as i know my mum isn’t. i know my family loves me so their voices can’t be real. i know my friends care so their voices can’t be real. i know the mental health team are compassionate people so their voices aren’t real so i just elaborate and take it in a wider circle. you won’t find it easy at first but the nore you do it the more the voices will fade simply because they are not getting the self sabotage and negative attention they crave. mine disappeared as soon as i stopped believing in it simply because they weren’t getting anywhere. if you don’t believe they have to give up as they are not getting the desired reaction from you. give it a go hunni. try and interact with the world and see what ha[[ens when you don’t give them the belief that they want. it may take a long time but i’ll bet if you practice enough it should work and they’ll calm down. you can’t live the rest of your life in your room so give it a go , much love, jayne
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Much love to you OO
You dont need to be around people who treat you like !@#$! Make a list of what you need to do everyday. Get a routine going. Add something fun to that list and reward yourself. Give yourself a little break-youve been through a war. You need to recharge.
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