When I was like 7-8 years old I used to say “leave me alone I need to talk to myself” that was my outlet. Now they are so powerful, I get lost in them, and I talk back, not out loud but whisper or in my head. When I’m in the shower, I talk to the point someone could hear it if they listened to closely, and it’s all jumbled. It doesn’t make sense to the point that I’m recalling stuff, or pretending a conversation with someone. It’s very hard to deal with to the point I think my head wants to pop off. I get very distracted, I’m not like fantasizing over anything it’s more of a nuisance than anything. I listen to music but today when I was walking I even caught myself talking during the music. I think my sz went full blown. How is that even possible if I’m on a high dose of AP?
Any tips on how to calm my mind down? Ever since I started talking about goals and getting less paranoid of people it’s too stimulating and I have no safe haven
750mg. I have to get blood tests for it, maybe the docs wanted to increase it but they can’t without blood tests. I went off it for like 2 days like a week or two ago, then a few days like around a month ago. Will that effect the levels?
Anyone that wants to know, I asked someone. I guess every human being has depakote levels and that’s what they test.
I went into another trance last night because my mind was racing from all my psychosis, and I had a headache from no caffeine in the middle of the day so I figured I’d treat myself one last time to caffeine and over did it. I had an energy drink, coca cola, and a can of MTN dew. I had about 4 hrs of sleep. I started hearing voices and held onto my bf, blacked out and started talking incoherently, and then I recognized his face and kept saying his name, then got back to reality. Yeah, caffeine makes psychosis worse. It’s scary! Today I have to be strong and stay away from it.
Feeling a lot better this morning. No loud thoughts or voices. I hope it stays that way. I’m listening to low volume music, just enough to help me focus.
