I just spoke to my nurse. I had something like ten or so psychotic episodes, really bad ones, being completely catatonic and in terror and refusing to eat and drink and sleep, doing suïcide threats or attempts, etcetera.
But my nurse and psychiatrist are hopeful.
They now believe that trauma was the major cause of my breakdowns and with good trauma therapy and very slow withdrawal I can possibly one day be medfree and psychosisfree. They say since therapy only started now, and it worked already so well that im on only 0.5-1mg haldol, they have good hope for improvement in me.
My diagnosis is - weirdly, after 6 years - again brief reactive psychosis.
I find it somewhat flattering that they are so full of hope, but after so many episodes I am sceptical. I do try to be hopeful again too though.
But it did make me sort of happy that they had this view of hope and recovery for me. And after all the heavy diagnoses - from schizophrenia to autism to borderline to bipolair - it feels sort of funny and light that they believe im “just traumatised” and complete recovery is a possibility.