Hi all lol 
!
I follow you all here, yeap
Well, i still suffer, but maybe its life too… In fact, i was unhappy since kid, you know, i dont know if this is common? My sz was never per episodes, i was just bad all the time since decades… My ex pdoc said, that my sz is chronical. But i see lots of people here, who dont have it like that, i dont understand why i am like that…
Anyway, i fight now, i try to go out, but i still do it alone… I have my paranoia, sometimes i feel like its written on my forehead, that i am schizophrenic… I think of my swollen look from the meds and the sedentary, also my mom lived very bad my diagnosis, so i sometimes feel like less than a human 
… Is this still paranoia? i still wonder if i have a soul, lol… Even my sister knew me in pain since an eternity and she even said in my back once, that i am a zombie lol… Hard things, they probably suffered for me…
Yeah, i am a no lifer too, but i hope that one day i’ll change that… I just dont know why the meds never worked fully on me? I have intellectual deficits now from the sz, i guess the meds cant give you more smartness either lol… I have my somatics as well, maybe even a bit of narcolepsy too lol…
Should i continue believing, that i can feel better in my head and skin one day, despite that i still sink into pain still? I feel still sick, thats all. My pdoc didnt offer me more meds the last time though… But he said, that if i stop the zyprexa, i’ll be crippled in bed lol…
whatever, ill be glad of some opinions… I have ill friends irl and some of them are really helped by the meds, they really lower their symptoms, but i guess my sz is a bit different. Ive tried all the possible aps here on the market, one doc even told me, that they gave me too many so i have no choice anymore now… I guess now its the life which could help me more than the rest… I start to think, that its an illness till life yeah, but i just had years, when i had no moment of sanity at all, this is strange…
Take care all!
Most sz is chronical.
Idk, my ill friends talk all the time about episodes… I have nothing like this, just lack of well being and the rest since years…
My friends have sharp episodes and between them, they live. Me, i never had this kind of sharp episode, i even dont know what is to have it…
Its negative symptoms, I have it severe, but at least I don’t have positive symptoms relapses. Do you?
I have paranoia still, this is sure…
Of what? Delusions and hallucinations?
I never had hallucinations… I just have fear from the people, i hide and run from them, maybe a fear to be aggressed or insulted by them or hated… I also sometimes feel like its written on me, that i am a sz…
Thats sounds more like social anxiety than paranoia. Also asociality negative symptom.
Idk, my ex pdoc said, that i have paranoia though… She said, that this caused my thinking deficits as well… Yes, i have negative symptoms as well, but this thing too…
Idk in sz paranoia is usually delusional, almost impossible to happen and irrational.
Well, i was able to be scared even from the people on the tv you know, so maybe i am irrational too…
Yea that sounds like paranoia
Yeap, my paranoia is probably delusional, i am just not aware of that…
Whats worse, you negative or your positive symptoms?
I had them both, so its a combo… I try to get rid of some of it now with efforts, i have no other choice… I had no life because of them both… If i am not paranoid, then i have my negatives or vice versa… I try to get to life back now…
I don’t have (+) symptoms but have bad (-) symptoms.
I know, but i still believe, that we can fulfil these deficits with a bit of efforts lol… Me too i know the negatives… My doc said, smth like that i turned sick, cause ive closed in myself. Now i try to express. I even have problems talking you know… But its doable, theres hope.
it is for life. as chronic as it gets
My SZ is chronicle(d).
Oh, now we get to invent words? The only chronicle I know is the San Francisco Chronicle. And I think it went out of business years ago.