My sz was chronical and unhappy since kid, is this even possible?

Ok, so by chronical, i mean, that i really was symptomatic every single day since 30 years and never knew even what is the sanity… I was very unhappy too all the time… When i try to be at peace, i just have symptoms etc… I have a psychosomatic disorder as well, so this contributes to not feel fine…
I will fight though, folks, for real! I take my meds, but i find my sz strange that i was never sane… Does this happen?
Ok, i knew an isolation also, you know all that, its a killer too…
Maybe to dream about a total invulnerability all day long, for years, its a bit too much for us, but i was just wondering if sz is more often episodic or theres cases like mine?..
I really now try to become strong and happy, but i guess it wont happen in a flip of a switch, but with many efforts and with time…

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