I’ve been struggling this past year to say the least. I am still happy or content a lot of the time and some things are going right in my life but other parts of my life are going to hell and in some ways these are the hardest, most challenging times I’ve ever faced. In some ways I am deteriorating but in a lot of the ways my recovery is going fine. It’s getting harder and harder each day to hide my illness. It’s very distressing to me.
For the last two years I’ve been having dinner with my two sisters every Tuesday. My middle sister usually cooks but sometime we go out to eat.
My family has been supporting me and helping me form the very first day I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia 37 years ago. They do way more than they have to and treat me normally and respectfully.
My two sisters are worldly, extremely outgoing and social, and have great jobs and lots of friends.
They used to include me in everything they were able too all through my illness. Parties comedy clubs, restaurants, movies, camping, water-skiing, etc, the list goes on and on. But I started decline invitations several years ago. But anyways, like I said, I have been having a hard time hiding my illness and sometimes lately I don’t feel I am doing well in social situation with my sisters. I should say that not only are my sisters pretty and intelligent, but they are funny, kind, tolerant, and very likable. But at our last few dinners I have been feeling that I am acting weird and embarking myself and failing at socializing which distresses me and causes me great despair as a lot of us can relate to.
But they assure me I am doing fine. But last week I know I was acting a little weird and self-conscious. But my sisters did not skip a beat or freak out they just kept going and treating e normal and I probably wasn’t acting as weird as I think I was but its scaring me a little just the same. I told my sisters how I felt and they assured me I acted almost totally appropriately. Like I said. it just impresses me more and more that I are so understanding and that they obliviously love me and think highly of me no matter what other jerks on the planet think of me. Their opinion is the one that counts but I know other people have good opinions of me too.