It’s still not too bad but I always thought my sisters were cool with my schizophrenia and maybe they were for awhile. But I know now that they think I’m crazy and they look down on me because of my schizophrenia.
Whenever I’m over at my sisters or doing things with them and their friends I am also fighting my symptoms. I never consciously thought about it but it’s the truth, I’m fighting a personal battle to appear normal. I was over my sisters the other day with her fiancé and for the first time in 45 years with the disease I cracked and let on that at the same time we’re sitting around playing farkle that I’m fighting this disease and to stay in control of it and I revealed that for a second and my sisters fiancé picked up on it.
I guess my sister did too because I was over on the fourth and I thought things would go back to normal and they would still see me as normal or sane but I slipped again and my sister gave this big sigh like finally I’m facing reality that I’m sick. This is a huge deal. I blend in in society for the very reason that I am able to control my thoughts and control my disease.
Now I broke for two seconds and my sister expects me to always show I’m fighting. I know this may sound like subtle sh*t but people are amazingly sensitive and intuitive and sometimes all it takes is blinking at the wrong time and it can change your life. I told my stepfather this who I would say is a die hard realist and he agreed.
Now my life is changed because I couldn’t control myself for two seconds and my sister and her fiancé saw right through me. Fu*k people. She’s looking down on me so much I don’t even want to go to her wedding in September. If I’m so crazy why does she want me there in the first place?
I feel you could have read into her sigh too much. But at the same time. My sister is similar, what you’ve described of yours is the same as mine so I also don’t know
But you’re right, we do have to avoid people because they can’t or won’t relate to just how much harder life is for us with this illness
My Sister is a source of strength for me, she is always encouraging and she knows i have issues and that i am dealing with a lot but she has her own life as well, i don’t want to unload on my Sister too much but she is still there if i need her, blood is thicker than water and all of that
I’m not sure what to say about you’re own situation but i get how easy it can be to feel judged and that’s not nice, Idk what to suggest.
@77nick77 you are assuming a lot about your sister…she isn’t thinking what you think she is thinking…now that you don’t have neigbors your delusional thinking about someone messing with you has turned to your sister now that you don’t have neighbors to think they are messing with you.
I’m sure your sister has seen you during much worse times and she at least suspects you’re not always well inside and doesn’t think any less of you because of that.
