My sister is pregnant

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My sister is pregnant.

I am so happy for her.i really am.

But

I’m devastated for myself.

When I was 24 I had a abortion.

I was psychotic and hearing voices 24/7 , gunshots etc

I had a son.

The father of my sons friends wanted to kill me and called me a loser etc.

My family told me I have no choice because I can’t even take care of myself.

I wish I was strong enough to stand up to them and keep my son but I wasn’t.

About ten years ago my dad said I should never have children.

He has always said I should never have children.

He doesn’t think poor people should have children nor disabled people etc.

He thinks unemployed shouldn’t be aloud to have children if they can’t financially support their own child but rely on government then they should be banned from having children.

My dad cried tears of joy that my sister is pregnant.

He told his x she is his favourite child and the only child he wants.

She is everything he ever wanted in a daughter and I am everything he didn’t want.

I can’t talk to him.
His personality is as it is.

I have to pretend I’m all good but I’m really upset that he treats us so differently and she is the perfect one according to him she is good enough to have a baby but I was never good enough.

I am really affectionate and have so much love to give a baby.

I guess I have my horse and dog and they are my babies.

Happy for her.
Devastated for myself.

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You can be a great aunt. I’m a good uncle and I would have been a pretty bad father with schizophrenia.

Be a good aunt.

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But I want to be a mother of my son.

But will try to not think about it.

I have my babies though they are another species.

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Sorry @Truemist8 . I know it’s tough. I can see you’re torn up about it.

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I’m sorry @Truemist8…

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Sorry to hear that @Truemist8.

If you ever get to a point of stability you can consider adoption maybe.

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That’s so awful for you. It must feel devastating. And that doesn’t mean you’re not happy for her. You can be devastated for yourself and yet happy for her.

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My cousin Emily just had a baby last Thursday. You know I don’t want children. I’m almost forty years old. I don’t have to have children to be happy. Why do they terrorize you?

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I had an abortion in 2000. I still feel bad about it, but wasn’t in a safe mental place. You can’t beat yourself up forever over it. It’s something that happened and is over. You need to find a way to heal, giving your pets love is a good step.

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the best advice I ever got in high school, which I continue to share,

was from Bonnie Mueller, a prominent woman in this town who died relatively young,

“Any decision you make is the right decision At That Time.”

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My sister is also pregnant

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I’m so sorry @Truemist8.

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So sad for you! ((Hugs))

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