My personality is dis-integrated .. but I got a free book doe

DX'd - Other
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Now I will rant about myself…

My personality - It’s not integrated, it’s literally dis-integrated.
Too many different selves within me, some genuinely apart of me and some acting a role which I was forced to create.

I’ve been reading up on existentialism in the context of psychosis… depressing ■■■■. (RD Laing’s “The Divided Self”)
So much resonated though…

I was placed under seriously stressful circumstances when I was 14.
For my first two years of high school I was psychotic and derealized yet unmedicated.
I grew up in a weird medicine-rejecting religion where everyone was nice and polite and nothing was ever wrong.
I was not made for this religion. I’m too honest.

I am nervous about my visit to the Zen Center on Monday.

On the plus side I ordered a Brad Warner book on Zen called “Sit Down and Shut Up”… I cancelled it shortly after ordering and got my money back… yet it came in the mail! Free book… so much for being a Buddha and doing the right thing… which is what the book is about… I astound myself with my hypocrisy.

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No big deal…

Most of us are walking and talking contradictions. As long as you realize your own strengths and limitations, you’re going to turn out fine.

You’re already a fine young gentleman with a classy demeanor…the best is yet to come for you! :sunny:

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First I have to convince myself that my psyche isn’t possessed by a demon…

But, thanks.

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Things are going to evolve, you’ll find yourself in different circunstances and dillemas. Nothing is set on stone yet.

Good on the free book though.

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There are ways I have behaved and things I’ve done that seem incongruous with my predominant personality. I realize I have to stay on my med’s to keep this “Mr. Hyde” part of me in check. As for religion, I think Huck Finn said it best when he said, “Whatever spirit guides me values my skepticism”. I think we honor God by questioning all his or her works and deeds.

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