in fact i dont know what i like anymore, which music,which food, which clothes. its the confusion in my head. somebody who got through this? i should remain patient and to relearn to love myself again,like i never could do it since so many years already…
Well those aren’t personality traits… More like interests and favorites.
Do you ever read over your own writing from earlier on to get a glimpse of who you are?
This site is a great place for it. Especially with how constructive the site is… You see a lot of progress in people.
Take care @Anna1
yeah,i think that i made some progress,i dont read myself now… i am already too focused on myself,quite autistic also… it sucks still here… i am sad i think and i dont want antidepressants. they risk to agitate me without regulate my feelings… yeah,i know-in schizophrenia we are loosing our interests… but i am lost even sexually. i felt in love with a girl when i was 15, the begining of my illness. till now,i dont know who i am in fact.
thanks, ill try to take care,yes,you too
I often write down just on my phone somewhere things in like because it’s a little anxiety of mine that one day I’ll do something and just forget who I am this way I know! It’s only little things like favourite colour and music. In my contacts I also put a little note about anyone so I remember who they are
Yep. @SoitGoes is right, you should go to your profile and read your posts to get a grip on what your state has been.
From where I’m standing, you are better. Not as defeated, it sounds like you want to get better and you’re trying. Your negative thinking doesn’t help you, but you know this.
There’s nothing wrong with being in love with another woman, it’s not a sign or symptom of the illness either. We are sexual beings and that also resonates with bissexuality, it’s normal really, nothing to worry about.
About that isolation of yours, you talk a lot about speaking with friends about your illness and your mom and your sister. I think you’re not isolated, your much less isolated than me and I’m definetely not isolated.
I think you just feel alone with this illness even in knowing another person with sz. Your fear about your mom leaving to russia is a sign that you’re not isolated, rather you are affraid of it. That’s okay, no one wants to be left completely alone, we are social beings as well. Some of us just are more social than others and that’s okay too.
You have a personality, everyone does. You’re a sweet person but you have been really confused about what is the illness and what is not, so just keep sharing your worries with us that we’ll help you understand what is and what isn’t.
@Anna1 You’re not the only one to have a time like this, I gone thought it as for what i liked and did not, is was a new learning for me, like food finding out what i liked and seeing if it was the same as before, somethings changed! It was fun in some ways thanks to a good friend, help me learn is okay to try things and is okay to say that’s Gross! how how can you eat that! It worked for clothes, what colours i like.
Is did take time, and is a on going thing for me, Is always worth taking the time to learn how to love are selfs for who and what we are, I learned is okay to like myself if im a little to a lot different the next day.
I did sleep with a notebook under my pillow with my name, address, phone number, how my family and friends was, the dogs names and more as a safey net if i was feeling the Confusion was edging i had this book as a guide, it may not help for you. Learn form my other head stuff.
Rest and take care of yourself!
I was just like you, then I started taking Sarcosine and it has turned my life around. I still have a fairly boring personality but I’m getting better each day. Its been 3 months since I started and in another 3 months before it completely repairs all the glutamate damage. I’m taking profrontal by the way.
Well follow the love regarding who you want to be with… No one should guilt you on that. I hope your country isn’t to homophobic or even criminalizes the act or anything.
People really should stand up for their rights to do all that ■■■■. All over the world you know… Homosex aint no thing…
Anyways that divergent.
You seem wonderful anna… I think you should quit worrying about WHO you are and focus on WHAT you can do… Even if its just painting or something… Find a skill and work at it… A lot of overcoming sz/depression/mental illness is relaxing and gaining confidence through progress. Confidence then feeds its self…
Take it slow though… Manic confidence will leave you feeing low… Gotta grow into it.
Best of luck. There will always be people on the forum. We all care about you.
thanks to all guys. i am trying yes. monday well go out with my mom i think, ill try to buy some books. reading is helpfull for me,to better understand others, to cope with cognitive decline etc… its good yes… for my interests and personality its tough now,yes,i feel really dumb but probably i survived some kind of choc. i am not really worried. probably its part of the depression…
all of you here,keep going also
Thats great news, going out i find is always a help If is only to 29th to get a sub, reading is the best is helps me too tons Just as you feel dumb does not make you dumb! as there are different types of smart Form your writing i think your a bright minded lady, thats just finding her way on the sz path
“How’s life?” “Is going” Keep on going! rolling, trucking
derpygirl,thanks. ill go out today also yeah,i have a good iq results but i am too ill still.the negative symptoms are tough plus i still live myself as a psycho reading is great,i know,it helps us.
Great you got the chance to got out! I got to run around with my dogs they always seem to know just when i need the push and what i need and i ended up at the book store again. Yes i did the same seeing living as a psycho is how i see myself thing maybe, i come to think us sz and sza peoples have are own type of iq smarts we are jsut as smart if not more than others is just different Kisses take care and keep on rolling rolling
I don’t have a personality either. A lot of the time when I talk to people I go rigid and start to talk in a monotone, and people start yawning. I’ve learned to keep myself entertained on my own.
oh crimby, sorry to hear that. i lack of emotions also… i mostly speak with two sz friends of mine but they cant help me really. they could be mean also and manipulative i am just complexed and have a fear of them,not nice thing… i still believe that we could regain in personality if we have more confidence in ourselves, but its a tough work,i know… i have troubles talking also, i spent my last 13 years between 4 walls.