My parents are useless. They gave me so many mental illnesses. Especially my father who is paranoid himself. He smoked weed constantly throughout my childhood and smoked it with tobaccos around me too. I was so embarrassed in school because i would smell. It got bad in secondary school because that when when i recognised it. He would also blabber on about his paranoid ideations due to smoking weed that ultimatelymade me paranoid. Now my life is ruined because of that.
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I have unlisted this do to the unaliving talk in the title.
I have changed the title
I dunno dreamlessdreamer. You cast a lot of blame and hate around, both to other people and to yourself. If you want to blame your parents for poor behavior, I guess that’s fine, but blaming them for genetics doesn’t seem fair
My opinion is that you need to start accepting what is and not dwell so much on what was. You can then move forward from there. This is likely what’s best for you
I was going to unlist because of your title about not wanting to live, but I see @anon4362788 has beat me to it.
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I just have a very low self esteem and i feel like i have completely messed my life up
I know you do. I wish I had an easy solution to this for you.
Maybe talk yourself up a bit and believe it instead of always being negative.
A lot of this is mistaken perceptions IMO
You often complain about your appearance, for example. I saw your selfies. You look nice.
I would relist your thread after your title change but I dont want to relist a thread another mod has unlisted. I will leave that decision up to them.
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Also, you are only in your early 20’s if I remember correctly. You have a lot of time to improve your life if you choose to.
Don’t make the mistake of wasting your life regretting the past and punishing yourself in the present.
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I’ll relist, but to be honest, I’m not comfortable doing so.
Theres a lot of pointless fingerpointing here.
Most of your issue would be made better by following treatment, good counseling, and meds. Then by working on yourself instead of wallowing in negativity.
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I’ll give you an example.
My dad was a drug addict, pit head, and womanizer. He wasn’t even my bio dad, but I thought he was
He ran out on us on Christmas day when I was 5. Not a huge deal, really, because my mom pawned me off on my great grandparents as an infant.
My mom definitely was schizoaffective bipolar type like me in hundsight. She only picked.me up when she wanted to play mommy in front of friends. She pushed me to live up to her ideals and when she found out I had a high iq, she never laid off on pushing me to do whatever she thought would be “great for me” in life.
This went on until I was 14, whe. She “let” me come live with her and I got to see her string of men. She got mad at me when I was 15 and threw me out. I’ve been on my own ever since.
I was very obviously mentally ill with bipolar and schizoaffective symptoms from 7th grade. She and the school system never helped me, just threatened me with juvenile detention.
Theres a lot more, I’m not giving all details because it would take forever.
The point is, I got over blaming those two for.my.life a long time ago. They didn’t ruin my.life. Their choices just contributed to who I am now. I am in control and have been since I was out on my own.
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I think you made another point that other forum users should know.
You had very hard life and members should respect you more, as person or moderator.
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Nah, I appreciate that, but respect should be earned from how you treat others.
I might be harsh at times, though I strive to be fair.
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You can blame your parents for your problems, but ultimately you have to live your life, not your parents. So you can wallow in misery and let your past control you, or take charge of your life and live your very best. I won’t go into my own past, but most people have some problems in their past that were traumatic in some way. It’s how you deal with it and grow from it that really matters,
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Wow I’m sorry @anon4362788
I had no idea
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I admittedly had thoughts that maybe my initial post might have been a little harsh about casting blame and hate around, but I think my sentiments were valid, as were Zombies and Sweetpotato fries. You can have valid feelings about things, and get these feelings out, but at some point you have to accept that these things happened, move on and look to the present and future.
We all have things in the past that we don’t like.
And you need to get past being so negative about yourself as well.
If you’re not willing to try therapy, the internet is a tremendous resource for finding articles on how to accept your past, be less negative and try not to beat up on yourself so much. It’s at your fingertips.
We aren’t telling you these things to make you feel worse, but to get better and move on.
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I didn’t share it to get sympathy. Honestly, it was to say we ALL have bad junk in our past and we can ALL make our lives what we want.
Might not be perfect, but we have choices
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as for your comment @anon25523312 . I think you just like to have conflict with the moderators. 
. You do it frequently.
We are free to express our opinions just like everyone else.
Expressing our opinions is separate from our moderator duties. We are part of this forum as members as well. Our moderator duties are about enforcing the rules.
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Biggest thing for me when forgiveness for my mother who abandoned me and my sister aged 9 to live in social services care where we both suffered more abuse. I forgave my mother as she had her own issues and it was a big weight of my shoulders. This allowed me to move forward.
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You know i spent a lot of time throwing blame at my parents too, and now at 30 ive come to realize that my parents are traumatized too and in a generation where mental health is swept under the rug of shame. It might do you some good to learn about how generational trauma can factor in, and try to believe that depsite their flaws your parents did the best with what they had. I have my set backs with my ptsd around my childhood but if i can get here i have faith you can too. Hurt people hurt people. Heal so you dont pass around your hurt too.
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