Ok, so we got in touched recently with the relatives of my mother in Russia…
They talk on the phone a bit now, but we didnt see them since 20 years and my family tells to them, that i have just a clinical depression and that i dont go out…
In fact, my first cousin maybe will come to Bulgaria to visit us one day and i feel the need to share the truth to him, to tell him, that its sz, but my mother just got mad about that…
She called me even dumb to want to say that, she got ultra mad, she said, that no one tells this and in fact, she is just ashamed in front of her relatives…
For the truth, she was always bad for my sz… She is very discriminating in private to all mentally ill people too etc… At my worst, she never saw, that theres a person behind my dx, she even was sayin, that i’ll be always sick and alone etc…
Idk if i turned partly ill because of my mother a bit, you’ll tell me (cause on the other side, i had a father, who was beating till death my mom and my sister), but for me, she clearly lacks some real love about me… Its a pity, that she trusts so much the normies… 
tbh, am disappointed and sad… Yes, she never saw a person behind the illness and is not liberal at all… All my pdocs know, that she is very obsessive about me and authoritarian… But maybe i shouldnt get angry now at that,right? i saw her already years ago how is she in her prejudices and how much she is attached to the system… 
Sheesh, maybe i really lacked ‘‘normal’’ and good love yeah… 
Or maybe she loves me, but she is just a brainwashed, radical normie, who likes the system, no? 
tbh, this is more the truth, she really loves me, but she believes only in the normies, which is very sad too…
Its very difficult to live like this, pals…
How would you feel with parents like this??
I feel lately just like the better mutation of those, two uncool people tbh…
But my mother is probably just brainwashed… But i am attached to her, cause she was the beaten one from my dad… and she suffered too much, idk if she is damaged now…
And yes, in moments like these, i envy my friend, who is a sz, who even dares to blame her parents about her sz, while she has total freedom and told me in the past, that she would have killed herself in my place…
Its hard… How would you take parents as mine, this is a common thing or not really?
My mother too says not to tell it to anyone as no one will understand.
People will firstpoint out and blame the parents in my case.
As they dont know to raise a child.
But this is not true, nothing can be done as the general population understand is not up to the mark.
I feel in both case if i get care or not, saying about this sz, all the other person would think is i am giving excuse for my drawbacks.
My brother does not encourage me talking about my condition as it conflicts his gereral understand how everything should work.
No one gets me even the psychologist after many sessions of review my issue they get to start making plans how to go about.
No one want to listen to my thought.
So I come here to share what all goes on as all accepts and understand here.
People have to experience first hand to know what is this condition all about untill then there is no point sharing to them.
Thanks for the answer, i see… 
But my mom can be hard no matter what… She is authoritarian, many pdocs said this to me about her…
Theres just many things who are not ok with her… She was quite tough with me in my illness… Does yours used to think, that you’ll die alone and sick? My mom warned me with that twice in the past… My sister also thinks, that no one wouldnt marry a sz…
I just start to think, that my mom is mainly damaged by my father and his crazy prejudices and convictions of when he was alive… He destroyed her beauty, her freedom, he didnt give her love and now she even defends him, that he was good to us, no matter, that maybe just ‘‘sick’’, while he was never diagnosed in fact…
anyway… am depressed now… Maybe i’ll run away one day from all here… It wasnt cool either from my best friend to tell me, that she would have killed herself in my place…
are u sure this is not unusual beliefs maybe ur mother loves u but u have unusual beliefs
Mine too my father always reminds me of my uncle who did not get married and died alone in kitchen, people got to know only because of the decaded smell.
You got this @Anna1
i have to work now bye for now
My mother loves me, yes, i was wrong to say the opposite…
But it doesnt take away the fact, that she believes in the system way too much and that she told me in the past, that i’ll always be alone and sick…
And i dont understand why even my sister, who is not brainwashed at all, said, that no one would marry a sz… They are tough tbh…
And i cant stand anymore my best friend, who is sz, for things said such as, that she would have killed herself in my place and the fact, that she slept with an ex of mine at my own house, while i was laying depressed in the other room, but well, people say, that its life, at least she can do sex still, me, am blocked for that for now…
my uncle has schizoprenia and hes married so u can definetly get married with schizoprenia
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