So, I mentioned somewhere on this forum that previously have had paranoid thoughts/voices dealing with my mother and some other family members.
This caused me to treat them differently and grow suspicious of them. My parents know that I suffer from psychosis, and I was trying to say sorry for my actions. She started asking me questions, and I revealed many of my delusions and hallucinations to her. I really shouldn’t have.
I expected her to halfway understand. This is nothing new to her. I’ve said it before; she just ignored it then or chose not to believe it(despite what doctor says and my words), and I understand why she did this…sorta
I thought I had come through to her. But, as I was getting read to leave she said and I quote: “If you ever have to let this rage out, kill me first. I don’t want you killing others I love. Sacrifice me first, this is my fault”
What??? God, I feel awful. I would never harm a person. I swear. Yes, I have voices that tell me too, but I’m not ever blindly following them. I don’t understand. Why would she think I would harm another. I’m not dangerous. Why would she even suggest I would kill my family. My god, that is one of my greatest fears and what voices torment me about. I just don’t get it.
No one else is home but us for two weeks, and I feel this is going to be an awful few weeks.