Very unpleasant family discussion...not sure what to do

DX'd - Other
#1

So, I mentioned somewhere on this forum that previously have had paranoid thoughts/voices dealing with my mother and some other family members.

This caused me to treat them differently and grow suspicious of them. My parents know that I suffer from psychosis, and I was trying to say sorry for my actions. She started asking me questions, and I revealed many of my delusions and hallucinations to her. I really shouldn’t have.

I expected her to halfway understand. This is nothing new to her. I’ve said it before; she just ignored it then or chose not to believe it(despite what doctor says and my words), and I understand why she did this…sorta

I thought I had come through to her. But, as I was getting read to leave she said and I quote: “If you ever have to let this rage out, kill me first. I don’t want you killing others I love. Sacrifice me first, this is my fault”

What??? God, I feel awful. I would never harm a person. I swear. Yes, I have voices that tell me too, but I’m not ever blindly following them. I don’t understand. Why would she think I would harm another. I’m not dangerous. Why would she even suggest I would kill my family. My god, that is one of my greatest fears and what voices torment me about. I just don’t get it.

No one else is home but us for two weeks, and I feel this is going to be an awful few weeks. :sweat:

#2

What you deal with is an unknown to her. She can only imagine what your dealing with and that makes it like the boogeyman. I wouldnt worry to much your just misunderstood. Most sz from what ive seen are peaceful creatures with a deep love for life. We just have extra crap to deal with that non sz dont understand.

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#3

Sorry 2 hear the interaction ended that way, the spirits urge me to do similar things and they won’t leave me alone, but eye am the same way, eye fight back, they aren’t going 2 force me 2 harm anyone, perhaps some literature on the subject would help her better understand, try 2 think positive :+1:t6:

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#4

Did you explain this to her? She might not understand.

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#5

It took a few conversations with my mom. The first one went terribly, though not as overtly terribly as yours did. I explained that I had been experiencing psychosis. She froze up and said, tightly, “I don’t know what that means.” Then she made an excuse to end the conversation.

The next time, I approached it by talking about things I was doing to recover - the therapy I was doing, lifestyle changes I was making, medications I was taking and what positive effects they had. I’d say, “My doctor thought I should try this, because you know how when I get stressed, I start to think that. So far it’s really helping.”

She was really receptive to this, and more willing to talk about what I was experiencing. I don’t know if it will work with you, but maybe it’s worth a try?

Good luck, sweetheart. I’m sorry it went the way it did.

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#6

Hugs to u. I would be very hurt to hear family say this too. Maybe a good comedy is the solution for now. However you choose to cope I wish you peace my friend

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#7

I’m sorry you are having to deal with this. There may be a level of guilt associated with her words though. Boomers have very limited education on mental illness.
It may be very difficult to see your parents as mentally ill, but I would try.
Stand strong.

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#8

I did. I kept trying to tell her that I am harmless. I should’ve never told her what the hallucinations say. I haven’t even told her the worst of it which scares me even more. I don’t want my mother to think I am a monster. I don’t know what to do anymore. My best friend knows everything and doesn’t think I’m a monster. It just disturbs me greatly. I hope she will realize.

#9

eerie my friend, same with my mom when she finally decided to accept I had SZ her exact words were:

“Just don’t make me watch you kill the others”

al I can say is keep trying to get through to her

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#10

I just feel like it was going so well and then that statement came out and everything went to hell. I mean, she seemed like she understood and was accepting. Then, she just says that, and it seems like what she really was thinking. It just feels, idk. awful. Thanks for your words, they mean a lot. (thanks for everyone’s words so far as well, I really appreciate them)

#11

I didn’t realize your age dear. I believe that in time she will come to understand you’re softer side.
At 17 my dads subject was that "if I were pushed so far that I would kill another"
After time has passed he has learned to choose his words with me. I didn’t appreciate at that time of losing a relationship that was my dad’s pep talk… but he is sz too. And I forgive him. It may sound like bs but I’ve found time will favor you when you use your heart

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#12

My point is I think your relationship with your mom will illuminate in ways when you learn more about one another. Soft sides and limits too. Maybe tell her it hurt your feelings in a letter

#13

Thank you, I hope so. (I feel so young here sometimes) I am kinda afraid to see her right now. I am going to just try to give her some time. It is just going to be unnerving, because I live with her until after this summer. Not bs, maybe a little mushy, though, but I will try to use my heart…

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#14

Lots of people are scared of people with schizophrenia. The only thing the average Joe knows about schizophrenia is what the media says about it and how the media portrays us. And unfortunately, schizophrenia is usually portrayed in a negative light.

You rarely hear in the news anything positive about us. What you hear most is when someone with schizophrenia goes on a shooting rampage or kills someone in some bizarre way. Thus in the public’s mind we are thought of as violent and dangerous and unpredictable .Until things change drastically in the public’s mind we will be linked with violence.

Unfortunately probably most of our friends and even our parents probably knew little about schizophrenia until their child or friend get diagnosed with it. Until it affects our family and our friends they were as ignorant about schizophrenia as most people are. So it’s hard to erase stigma out of someones mind. The idea that supposedly all of us schizophrenics are dangerous killers is ingrained into peoples minds.

It does not make front page news that someone like 77nick77 went to work Friday and his boss mentioned that he thought I was doing a good job. It does not make front page news that someone like Sharp is a good person who is doing the best she can despite having schizophrenia. It does not make front page news that people like pixel is a responsible parent raising a child with his wife.

No, stories like mine, stories like yours and stories similar to pixels are not covered or don’t make the news even if the person is open and public about his/her struggle with schizophrenia. No, what makes front page news is when the occasional mass shooting is done by someone with schizophrenia. who is unmedicated and most probably was not a nice person in life even before he went on a shooting rampage.

Your mother is probably putting out effort to help you and understand you but she is a product of a society who fears schizophrenia. A famous man once said, “We are all victims of our society and our environment”. Your mom is not a bad person. She just knows what she has been taught. How can she fully understand us people with schizophrenia when we don’t even understand ourselves?

I’m not taking sides here between you and your mom and I’m not saying you’re wrong about how you feel, and I’m and I’m not discounting your feelings about what your mom said to you, I’m just trying to help you see her point of view and why she might be a little afraid of you. I’m just pointing out the reason why she might be reacting to you the way she does.

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#15

I guess that i,cant really blamr her. It just affects me too much.

#16

You Can Blame Whoever You Want to Blame , , ,

That is a God Given Rite … ,

Jus Like Your Opinion on a SonggG (OR) Movie , That is Yours and Yours Alone … ,

You Don’t Have to Apologize For Someone elses Mistakes … ,

My Opinion is Keep it to yourself , but We ALL Need Interation to be Able to Talk to SOMEONE , ANYONE … ,

What You Go Throo is What You Go Throo , it’s Naught Your Fault … ,

and Since Hallucinations / Tactiles / Voices and that’s Jus tha Tip of thee Iceberg , , ,

Ideas of Referance / “delusional” (OR) “delusions” … ,

& Wait (!!!) ,

There’s MORE (!!!) ,

Naught Gonna Go Any Further tho … ,

You Can Blame thee Entire Universe … ,

Jus Don’t Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Hurting you (OR) Blah Blah Blah … ,

If it Affects You , THEN BOOMSHAKALAKA … ,

Say What You Want and All the Rest of and Within Your Conciousness … ,

e(Y)e Mean it’s as Simple as thus … ,

Remain Peaceful and You Good.

The Rest is Yours to Choose … … …

End of Story.

#17

If you show or tell her that you understand her fear, than maybe that would be the first step in communicating better with each other and maybe that would help you get along better. Maybe if you told her that her fear that you might harm someone is really hurting your feelings and just get it out into the open it might help.

Maybe if you both go online and read about violence and schizophrenia together it might allay her fears of violence.Because like I said, mothers or family members don’t always understand everything about schizophrenia but if you show them statistics that show that the rate of violence committed by people with schizophrenia is no larger than the rate for the general population it would help smooth things out between you. In fact most sources say the rate of violence by schizophrenics is a little lower than the general population. These are just suggestions.

It takes two people to work on a relationship, both you and her so you have to each do your part. I’m not saying that her fear of you is right or correct I’m saying she doesn’t know any better because she probably did not know a thing about schizophrenia before you got it yourself. So she is in the process of learning about a very baffling, frustrating, disease.

From the sounds of it, i she did not say those hurtful comments delibratetley to hurt you, it doesn’t sound like she said those words out of meanness.

You may notice I used a lot of “maybe’s”. That’s because I don’t know if everything I said would work for sure, you would have to decide yourself if my suggestions are feasible to follow. The onus is not all just on you to make this relationship work, she has to do her part too.

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#18

The motives behind these kinds of things can be complex. Perhaps part of your mother’s motivation was to gain control of you. I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Just humor her.

#19

Thank you. I am trying to work things out with her. It has been a bit awkward since then, and she is acting like it never happened. I think I am going to wait things out and see how they turn out. Then, I will work on informing her through books and online. Thanks to all.

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#20

The worst thing we can do is to speak of our symptoms with normal people. They just don’t ever get it. It’s embarrassing too, both for you and the person you spoke with. You end up trying to correct the impression you made. Use love and understanding with your mother. From your posts, you have it to give.

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