My mind is overactive and thinking for things to be as they are that I must be in purgatory
Kinda like Bruce Willis not knowing he was dead
There are articles of my old case managers doing what they did to me but except the case states the patient topped themselves
Don’t understand how close the report was all except the ultimate end
But I think did I really die back then?
Or even when my drink was spiked and I died and thought I came back. Or did I
Not sure I can talk to my health workers as they will get freaked out and if the above is true they won’t help me as I have to work this out myself like a big secret out in the open
Feel like I am being tested constantly and I ■■■■■■■ hate this
I got in a really bad ATV accident in High School. When I went through derealization & depersonalization, id think to myself “Maybe I actually died in that ATV accident. I’m in the afterlife”
It’s probably common with schizophrenia. I thought I had past lives and lived in parallel universes. It felt like an infinite time loop, reincarnation, quantum immortality, and Boltzmann Brains. I felt like a brain in a vat or that I lived in the matrix. It’s psychosis but it felt real, I guess.
I get anxiety when looking at my childhood photos like they weren’t real or never happened. I feel like my life started around 2011 when I got sick and I’ve been experiencing quantum immortality and jumping timelines going forward and backward in time via my soul or consciousness.
It’s schizophrenia, but it felt real and schizophrenia distorts reality. It can make one question things more and think weird things. It feels like cloning sometimes or a new personality with a different set of memories. It definitely affected my soul.
I thought about aliens and God and physics, basically.
I don’t think this is base reality, my first existence, or my last. It doesn’t really make any sense. I thought I was special and that I could ‘access these memories’ and was ‘psychic’. They are negative and pointless. I’ve been feeling better recently.
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