I have a friend who is basically a loser. He dropped out of school, while on a full ride, and now lives here in our hometown and goes to the local university. He is bright like me, but full of himself. He is studying programming but doesnt make grades like he could. He has an internship for the summer but neglects his studies. He is a hardcore druggie. He takes uppers every day and some sort of tranquilizer (usually alcohol or weed) every night. He also loves hard drugs like LSD and MDMA and tries to get people to try them. All in all, we are very different, I take my prescribed meds religiously (they keep me sane) and he is always high or drunk. He comes over alot but is drunk or high on something like ADHD meds, then takes more of whatever he is on. A common visit is him coming over drunk, also on Adderal or Vivance, and him drinking more, rambling obnoxiously and then driving home. He loves to tell stories about drunk driving, like āI love when I have to close one eye while driving in order to not see doubleā.
I could say more, but you get the picture. My other good friend is an EMT and doing better in school, although he drinks, he is responsible about it, never drives drunk and is good company. He and I would drink together back in my āself medicationā days and we were responsible, civilized drunks.
Should I just ditch the guy who does tons of drugs? I feel like he is depressing and/or obnoxious and not really good company. I think he uses my house as a safe house to come down off things or to get drunk or high again. He hides all of this from his parents, whom he lives with. Theyāve only caught him drunk a couple times, they have no clue hes on uppers, alcohol and crazy ā ā ā ā like MDMA and LSD.
I could use some advice, as this guy and my responsible EMT friend are my only friends who are here during the school year. I hangout with my other high school friends alot during winter and summer breaks.
I know how you feel and what your going through. I have had a few friends who are hard core druggies. I stayed friends with them and tried to help them but it became too much. Especially when Iām having my own problems. Also my sister died of overdose of meth which makes me not want to be around any at all. I do have a lot of āstonerā friends which are great and best friends I have. I donāt mind they smoke pot because they donāt partake in anything worse. If I was you I would keep some distance with him and it may make him think about what heās doing.
I would never say anyone is [quote=āmortimermouse, post:1, topic:1288ā]
a loser.
[/quote]
Everyone has some tough times sometimes, and it sounds like heās having some tough times and dealing with it in a way that is not helpful. You might just communicate that to him - something like " I like you, but I think all your drug use is really going to hurt you and I donāt want to participate in it - call me if you decide to change your ways"ā¦
Well the smart thing to do would be to cut him loose. End the āfriendshipā. You have good reason to. But, personally, I am bad at confrontations. Itās hard for guys to cut other guys out. Itās the stupidā bondingā aspect. If your male and you bond with another male itās like being welded together. Hard to break. But this guy might drag you down with him. He might get involved with the police and if you are with him while illegal activity is going on, who knows? You could get in trouble too. Hard drugs=hard time in jail or prison if he gets caught. Iām a recovering addict. I CANNOT hang around anybody who does drugs. If they occasionally have a beer, thatās fine. Or a drink. But absolutely NO weed. Or ANY other drugs.Including abusing prescription drugs, or huffing gasoline or whatever else goes around these days. I know I am out of touch with the drugs people use nowadays. Iāve hear about bath salts, and have read about other drugs that werenāt around when I was using. But anything after āICEā is pretty foriegn to me. Anyway.Thereās an old AA saying that I heed and take seriously. Quote: āIf you hang around a barber shop long enough, youāre going to get a haircutā.
I live by myself in an apartment complex. I made friends with a neighbor three doors down. Fairly nice guy. Cool guy. Drank a little, not a lot. Disabled like me. About my age, 52. We hung around for about 5 months. He introduced me to a lot of his friends, we went out to eat a bunch of times. Shopped at Costco twice. Just things we did. But he started putting me down and making me feel like ā ā ā ā every times I saw him. So I wanted to end the friendship. I didnāt need that. I would rather be alone than be put down and uncomfortable. Other stuff happened too. He wasnāt running his life to well but I got to give him credit for being a VERY social person even with my same disease of paranoid schizophrenia. And incidentally not only does he have paranoid schizophrenia, he is also legally blind. But takes the bus all over!! Darn inspiring!!!ā But I just started avoiding him and not returning his MANY calls. Three or four a day, sometimes more. It dragged on for more than a month. He finally got the message. I handled it badly. But what are you getting out of this friendship? It doesnāt sound like itās working. I almost want to,say that I bet HE knows itās a bad friendship. And it sounds like a one-sided relationship. Like heās getting what HE wants out of it ( a place to crash and do drugs) and you are just putting up with him. Like you are just a convenience. But donāt think of yourself as a victim. Reminds me of a good friend I grew up with. Met him in fifth grade and knew him until about a year after high school. I hate to say it but he cut ME loose. I was doing drugs and hanging out with shady people and going through jobsā¦He was making new friends and throwing great parties. I was holding him back.Of course it was the start of my schizophrenia which no one had a clue about. But last I heard of him he moved away and didnāt tell me or our other mutual good friends where he moved to.It kind of hurt, but we deserved it I guess.Thatās one method. I doubt you want to move. But it illustrated how a drastic measure worked for someone.
But the advice SZ Admin gave may be better for you. Maybe Iām being too hard on your friend. I donāt know the whole story. Maybe you could salvage the friendship. Advice on these forums is pick and choose. I assume you are intelligent as the next guy, so you have to take advice from us with a grain of salt.
In my experience, if a person is enthusiastic like that about drugs then they are a junkie and should be avoided at all costs. That may seem harsh, but I donāt like those types of people. Their harm is more self injurious until youāre in a car with them and realize they are driving recklessly or intoxicated, or theyāre coming down on you for money because their secretly trying to feed a dangerous habit. Stimulants can also cause violence and mood shifts if abused, unless heās prescribed stuff like that he shouldnāt be taking it all the time, and if heās taking it to focus thatās different than abusing it. Iāve been taking my medication as prescribed and Iāve cut out even smoking alternatives. I donāt drink, all I do is smoke ciggs pretty much. Some drugs are worse than others, but those types of drugs are like milder forms of harsher drugs and still can be overdone. Itās like coffee is a mild stimulant compared to cocaine. While his behavior doesnāt seem a huge problem now, it could be the end of a friendship or the end of many previous friendships. I wouldnāt approach the subject with him if thatās the reason, because he might get upset or guilt trip you over it. Itās your life, but I donāt like people who abuse drugs and mooch off people, or lie or steal.
thanks for all of the replies! I think I should explain to him that he canāt be around me if he is on stuff. He knows he is using me for a place to get drunk or high, or crash when he is already drunk or high. Itās different when people party and have a good time- I went out to the bowling alley with my cousins and they all drank and had fun. But they were fun, and that was an occasion, not an obnoxious drunk on adderal stopping by to drink more and take more adderal. Plus they were together and gentlemanly, not just ā ā ā ā ā ā up and assholey.
First, you yourself have to take care of yourself, and if this guy is making that hard to do, you have to back away. I most likely wouldnāt drop him flat. But spending less time around him might be a wise thing to do. Also, if heās being more of a person user then a friend, then, itās not helping you or him to keep this habit going. Iām sorry heās just coming over and using your place to get drunk and high.
Iād say keep the line of communication open, but donāt hang out with him so much. If he asks why your not around so much anymore, you can lay it on the table about how heās ALWAYS drunk and after a while, it just gets boring. You did an amazing job kicking alcohol and drugs. Iām sure you remember the point where you just got sick and tired of always being sick and tired. Maybe you can get him to see that thereās more to life then drugs and alcohol.
You canāt make someone get to that point but you have every right not to let this guy into your house to use it as his personal party pad. Itās hard untangling yourself from long time destructive friends.
I used to do the same stuff your friend is currently doing to you! Iāve been thinking on this for a while on what to say first I thought tell him youāll hang out if he isnāt highā¦then I thought that what I would do is just start hiding it to come over. Then I thought tell him to call you when he is done doing drugs, but then he might just get into more trouble without having your āsafehouseā. The friends that helped me the most were the ones that were there for me and didnāt encourage my drug use but just accepted it and let it run its course. They would drink with me, hang out with me, and say things like hey did you know that ecstasy ruins the gland in your brain that produces serotonin? Thatās why sometimes after a binge you feel āe-tardedā for a day or so? They subtly told me how destructive everything was. And if I did crazy things the next morning everyone would act a certain way towards me. Like they are ashamed of what I was doing to my body. Eventually I realised on my own, which is the only way anyone kicks drinking or drugs, that I was killing myself, destroying friendships and acting like an ā ā ā ā ā ā ā to the people I loved. If he comes over one night being an ā ā ā ā ā ā ā the next morning or whenever just say hey u remember what you were saying last night, cuz I do and its not how u are when youāre sober. Maybe hell eventually realise friendship is more important than getting high. Mdma binges can only go for so long before you get burnt out. LSD isnāt so destructive usually it causes introspection. If heās high on that u can use that time to really try and get him to look at his life from an outside point of view. The uppers however, are basically meth. And while heās drunk drop a few facts in there about how destructive it is to the body. Donāt cut him out completely that could be worse than just dealing with it for a bit. If he doesnāt start questioning his actions after a year of your helping then you can make a desicion of whether or not he is a true friend, in fact ask him that. Dude do u consider us friends? Cut to you subtly showing him how you feel he is using you and not being a friend. Idk just some info that worked in my life. The people that cut me off I would use as an excuse to use harder.