Maybe I just need a cigarette. (day one) My girlfriend still hasn’t heard any word on getting a job and we are very poor. Only $240 to make it to the next payday on the 3rd. Just enough for food. nothing else. My step dad (dad) is dying and we don’t have the gas money to go see him. Mom said she would give me some gas money so at least that option is open. My family is distant from me and it’s times like these that I really notice it. I just want to go to Heaven, no I’m not suicidal, just I wish it would be over for me so I could go Home. I’m so tired of everything.
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Don’t give up! It’s a time of trial… But ur not alone and you have the support of The Lord… He will never forsake you so know you are loved and the is hope…
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I don’t have the struggles that you do at the moment, and I am sorry you are going through so much. But I kind of understand how you are feeling. I’m very depressed at the moment.
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wow, i’m sorry @jukebox , about he cigs: you can do it I know its hard to quit but if my dad can go 15 days without one you can do it too. I have faith in you jukebox. I’m sorry Angie hasn’t heard about a job yet. I know how that is my partner went years without a job relying only on my ssi to get us by and trust me most of the time we were broke.
I hope you can go see you step dad, at least your mom is kind enough to offer money to go see him. I hope things get better for you, love you jukebox.
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Sorry @jukebox 
️ I feel that way a lot. It’s hard to be poor under normal circumstances (I get paid once per month. When I get paid I pay all my bills, and then have over three weeks of only a few hundred dollars left for groceries and gas, and whatever else always comes up) Somehow it works out and I keep plugging away.
We just moved my dad into assisted living from his home. He did not want to go and it’s been super emotional/depressing. He has dementia and loses more of his memory and cognitive function every time a big change occurs. This was huge.
Anyway, I really want to go home too (Heaven). But I know we’re waiting for a reason. We can do it 
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are you going to see your dad? hope you can see your dad.
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@Hedgehog thanks dear friend. I just talked with my mom and she said my dad only has a day or two left and for me to just stay here because she is miserable and so is dad. I don’t want to cry in front of dad, he should stay as happy as he can while he is here. He is on pain meds so I know he’s comfortable at least that’s what mom said. I am crying right now with your kindness. thank you. means a lot.
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thank you everyone for your caring words. Dad is headed for Heaven, so I am happy he is christian. I just hate to see my mom so upset. She has taken care of my dad with his strokes for almost 25 years. Her burden is almost over.
Did you get to say goodbye? I hope so. This is such a horrible part of life and I’m truly sorry for you and your mom. I am happy for your dad that he’s almost home with God. How wonderful for him 
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I’m sorry you have to go through all this jukebox.
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@Hedgehog yes I got to see him about a week and a half ago. He said, "Michael you seem “down”? " I said, “I’m just broke right now Dad.” I think he knew I was sad about him dying. I told him I love him and then mom cut my hair and I left. Dad has a farm that mom lives on with cattle and horses and chickens. I don’t know what mom is going to do with everything. I hope my step brothers don’t try to rob mom of the cattle. they are greedy cowboys.
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You had a lovely goodbye then Can you live with your mom and help out there? Would that be something you would like? It’s so hard to be at the age when we have to say goodbye to parents. And then the way family members can turn on each other (siblings particularly). God bless you and your mom!
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Mom is going to maybe move away when dad dies so I don’t think living with her would be an option. I wish. sure would make my life easier. thanks @Hedgehog
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I feel sad for you Jukebox. Remember who you are. These life problems are impermanent. Be patient.
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Just remember that your dad is going to a better place, jukebox. He will be with God and won’t have to suffer any more. I know it is sad to lose a loved one, but physical death is not necessarily the end. As for your step brothers, maybe you should take measures to protect your mom’s interests. Don’t jump the gun. Wait and see if they make a move. But watch them closely.
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I’m so sorry you’re having a hard time @jukebox…wish things would turn around for you, I know it’s hard to lose someone you love, they stay in your heart forever.
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thanks everyone. @crimby my other full brother will whip the ■■■■ out of my step brothers if they start stealing cattle. It’s just that they are so sneaky. bothers me.
thank you all. this thread shows me just how much support there is on this site. gives me a good feeling to be cared for by so many people.
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